"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
-
The first time Don Whittaker heard those infamous words was on January 26th, 1998, when then president Bill Clinton went on national television to deliver his verbal rejection of the notion that a...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I half expected him to ignore this call, much like Christian had ignored all seven of mine earlier this morning. The only reason I was even bothering to reach out to that man child was because I needed paperwork on Ivanov Corp's quarterly financials... but no, to my surprise Alex answered on the first ring.
"Hi Don. Before you say anything, I sincerely apologize. Christian has been in one of his moods today, and I just saw all your missed calls on his call log."
"You don't say," I was quick to respond with which made Alex chuckle nervously over the line. Missed wasn't the correct word either, Christian had surely flat out ignored them. "I needed a third quarter estimate for your financials."
"Oh shit that's right! I'm so sorry-" Alex started to gush out, but I quickly cut him off. One you let this one start, he could go on and on and on.
"The only apology I want to hear should come from Christian himself. It was on his radar, not yours. Unless he made the problem yours. If so, I want two apologies from him. One for me and one for you."
"Oh-" Alex started, probably unsure of how to respond to that. "Right- okay, yes right of course. I highly doubt you're getting those apologies, but thank you for still sticking up for me any chance you get."
"Of course," I nodded as if the man was sitting across from me where I currently sat, my home office. I sincerely had no idea how these two worked, but who fucks who in the privacy of their own home had absolutely nothing to do with either further stimulating the growth of my mind, or putting money in my pockets. That was something I did know. "I've also been meaning to ask you something."
There was some rusting of papers on Alex's end before I heard him say "go for it."
And so, I went for it.
"What do you do now that you don't drink?"
There was a pause on the other end with Alex, one just long enough to question whether I had offended him, but eventually he replied with a one worded answer. "Legos." This next pause felt like he was working to solidify that answer. "Yeah... yeah that sounds about right. I've been putting together a lot of Legos."
That made my eyebrows furrow slightly with a good deal of confusion. "No I meant like, how do you alleviate the stress of your day to day life if you can't with a bottle?"
There was a slightly longer pause over the line this time before Alex finally answered. "Legos. Still. Surprisingly. It's actually pretty therapeutic."
That had left me with more questions than answers.
"Why do you ask?" He continued. "You thinking of quitting drinking?"
"Absolutely the fuck not," my answer was quick and direct. "I just- well... I mean you're bound to find out sooner or later that I'm with child."
