SO AMERICAN | max verstappen

fortythree.

Max pulled into Parc Ferme' and immediately pulled himself out of his car, jumping up on top of it to do his normal celebration. Cheers erupted all around – mainly from the Red Bull team, but also from Lili and me.

He hopped down and ran over, his usual confidence back like before. I couldn't help but smile at his overflowing joy. Max's first move was running over to where Lili and I were waiting by his team. He completely avoided them and instead pulled us into the tightest hug.

A kiss for Lili's cheek and then both his hands on my face to bring me in for a kiss. "You were right and I love you for it."

And then he was off.

And I was speechless.

My stomach sank and I got dizzy enough to the point where I had to set Lili down on her feet. He said he loved me. Sure, I've said something about love in one of my songs about him, but neither of us has actually said it out loud before.

"Mommy, are you okay?" Lili asked from her spot next to me, her hair in a bun on top of her head flopping around as she tilted her head in confusion.

I get it, I'm acting weird.

"Mommy's fine, yeah." A total lie, but I'm not going to tell the 5 year old that.

Max dropped the 'L' word without even realizing it and then ran off – or he did notice, who knows. My mind was racing at the thought of it. Should I have said it by now?

Maybe?

I don't know, we've only been back together for like a month. We were broken up for like two months before that and were only truly dating for a few weeks before that. Was it too soon?

No.

Yes?

I said it in 'so american' so obviously I've come to the conclusion that I love the Dutch driver in that way. But I've never said it directly to him before. Did he mean it when he said it or was that just the high of winning the race?

"Mommy." Lili's voice cut through my thoughts, the young girl tugging on my arm. I blinked a couple of times, looking down at her, "It's over." She pointed upward.

That's when I realized I'd missed the entirety of the interviews and podium celebration just by overthinking. "Gotcha." I hummed, reaching for her hand. Max was nowhere in sight. "Shall we meet Daddy by the car?"

Max had said to meet him by his car anyway, we were planning a quick getaway this evening. A quick trip back to the hotel to change clothes and collect our bags before heading to the airstrip to board the private plane. We wanted to be home without a delay.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lili questioned as we walked hand in hand through the paddock and toward the parking lot reserved for drivers and crewmembers.

Of course, she didn't believe me. Hell, I couldn't believe my act either.

I squeezed her hand in mine, "Just thinking about a lot, 'kay? Promise I'll be fine soon." A wink in her direction, "Thank you for caring about me, Liefje."

Lili told me I was welcome and then continued on about a tv show she'd recently watched. We hadn't even been talking about it, but she was 5 after all. Sometimes I forgot she was so young. Being around the young girl was both refreshing and overwhelming at the same time.

We reached the SUV and waited, knowing that Max might still be a few minutes. He might have to do some debriefing, but Lili and I were used to waiting – sometimes it felt like we did that more than anything.

"I-spy?" Lili squealed, suggesting what's recently become her favorite game.

I was shocked when I found out a couple of weeks ago that she had no idea what the game was, and then promptly began to criticize her father for never teaching her.

Fuck.

Why does just the thought of him make me nervous?

It didn't make sense that I was so worked up about him saying the 'L' word. I knew what I felt for him. Maybe I just never thought he could truly feel the same? Or maybe I'm feeling off about how he said it?

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Right?

"Daddy!"

I laughed, "You're not supposed to say the name of someone, Lil."

She shook her head, pointing in front of us. "No, Daddy!" I looked where she was pointing and sure enough, Max was making his way toward us.

Much sooner than I thought he would.

I took a deep breath, cursing myself for getting nervous at the sight of my boyfriend. This was going to be a long night, huh?

~~~~~~

Finally, we're on the plane.

I'm still nervous.

But, I'm sure I'll fall asleep soon and everything will be okay again. Sure, I should probably talk to Max about it, but my anxiety is telling me not to.

Lili was sound asleep in her seat on one side of the plane while Max and I were on the other side. His hand was suddenly on my thigh and I flinched at the contact.

Shit.

"What's wrong, Ri?" He looked alarmed.

I shook my head, squeezing his hand, "Nothing." Another lie.

I need to do better.

He smiled at me, letting go of my leg and leaning forward to fiddle with the laptop we brought to watch a movie while Lili slept and before we did. I think he'd picked an action movie for us to watch this time.

"Oh, shit." Max said suddenly, pausing the movie setup.

I furrowed my brows, "What? Is the laptop broken or somethi-"

Max turned to me, the color drained from his face. What the fuck?

Is he okay?

"I said 'I love you' without thinking and that's why you're acting so strange."

My jaw dropped just slightly and I barely nodded. I'm so glad I didn't have to be the one to bring it up.

I'm also shocked that it hit him like that out of nowhere.

He set the laptop aside, trading it for my hands. His thumbs carefully caress my knuckles. "I didn't mean to say it like that, but I don't want you to think that I don't mean it – because I do. Wholeheartedly. I think I love you so much to the point where it physically hurts." Max chuckled, tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.

Oh, thank, god.

I could feel tears pricking at my eyes, "Good, because I thought I was the only one who felt this way and it's been a little overwhelming."

The color returned to his face and he looked hopeful. Did he think I didn't feel the same way?

"You love me too?"

I nodded, smiling ear-to-ear as tears began to roll down my cheeks. I don't think I've ever loved any one person this much.

"So much, Max. I love you so much."

•

here you go!

also i have the epilogue sitting in
my drafts on here and i keep almost
publishing it LOL