Junebug • TWD

49. The Greater Good.

Dad's still off talking to Merle, I think. I'm still hiding away pouting about it. It's hard for me to keep being mad, though, because I can't help but think about how a year ago, he would have been completely different. He probably would have told me to go away in a really mean way instead of in the nice way he tried doing today.

That's a real annoying thing for me. Every time I'm mad at him, I also have to be a little bit grateful to him because at least he's super nice about things now instead of how he used to be.

But it's still mean. I want to talk to Merle, too, even though I'm supposed to be mad at him, too.

I'm gonna think about something else. It's hard to, though. Whatever.

Sitting here with my back against the wall, tapping the toes of my shoes against each other with my legs straight out in front of me, thinking about things that aren't Dad or Merle. Simple as that. What else is going on around here lately?

Carl's named his sister. Judith. I think he said it's because his teacher was named that or something, which is sweet. I just like the name Judith 'cause it's pretty, in my opinion. The baby's real cute when she ain't crying as loud as... something real loud. I like her best when she's giggling.

Now that Momma's back, I've been thinking that maybe I want a little baby brother or sister, too. I think I would be a pretty alright big sister. Maybe I'll ask Mom and Dad about that a little later when I'm done being grumpy. Daddy seems to like babies a lot, judging off of how much he likes Judith. I bet Momma does, too.

If I had a baby sister, I'd wanna name her something like Ladybug because that's real cute, but I know there's no way my dad's gonna name his baby Ladybug. 'Cause he's no fun. I'll just call her Ladybug for a nickname if he won't let us name her it. If I had a brother, I think I'd wanna call him Milo 'cause I really like that movie Milo and Otis about the cat and the dog going on an adventure.

Thinking about baby names makes it a lot easier to not think about all the other bad things.

That is, at least, until I hear my dad's voice and I gotta act irritated again. "Hey," he says, walking over to where I'm sitting. "Mad at me?"

"Mhm," I hum, crossing my arms.

"Thought so," Dad says. He lets out a little grunt as he sits down next to me, 'cause he's old and that's what old people do when they sit down and get up. "Thought I told ya to go find your momma."

"Thought you told me I could come with you and see Uncle Merle," I respond.

"Well, don't worry," Dad huffs out, readjusting his sitting position. He rests his hands on his knees, fidgeting with something in his fingers. Can't tell what it is. "You can come with next time. I had to talk to him about somethin'. Somethin' that ain't your business."

"We could go see him now," I suggest, raising my eyebrows.

I don't even really know why I wanna see him so bad. I guess I just want to check if he's getting better. Or so I can make him better and help him, like I helped Dad.

"Nah. I don't feel like talkin' to him anymore," Dad tells me, shaking his head.

"I could go see him and you could wait here."

"No," Dad says immediately. I sigh, but it sounds a little more like whining than sighing. "I don't want you around him without me or Mom. Understand me?" I nod my head, serious and everything because he's being super serious. Kind of makes me feel a little achy. "He thinks he's here to 'do the things no one else wants to', whatever that means. Think he's got it in his head that just 'cause he's here, things are gonna go back to how it used to be."