Junebug • TWD

4. Squirrels and Frogs.

Dad's pacing around in the back of the cube van and Glenn's waiting in the driver's seat. I'm sitting at the edge of the back with my legs dangling over the edge. I'm feeling a bit nervous about my dad going off into Atlanta, but I know he's gotta because if he doesn't, then we ain't ever gonna get Merle back. I just wish it was safer. 'Cause if he don't come back, I don't know what I'll do. But he'll come back. He's gotta. Merle didn't, though. And I can't stop thinking about that.

"Dad," I say, because there's no other way to get myself to stop thinking about it this time.

He's still pacing around in circles, all antsy to go and get Merle. "What?" he asks me.

"I'm nervous 'bout you goin'," I admit to him with my eyebrows pinched together. He finally stops his pacing and looks down at me. "'Cause it's dangerous there. I told Merle not to go and he did, anyway, and now he's stuck," I say. He's doing that thing where he stares at me, thinking real hard for a few moments, and I'm looking at my shoes.

Then, he does something I don't expect. He sits down at the back of the cube van with me, right by my side. He knocks his foot into mine to make me look over at him. "I promise you I'mma be back, a'right?" he says.

"Merle said he'd be back, too. He said he'd be back 'fore you were," I say quietly. I know my dad doesn't like it when I talk back, but I don't know if this counts as that or not, so I take the risk, anyway.

Luckily, he doesn't get mad at me. "I'm promisin' you, I'mma be back," he says. I look down at my shoes again because I don't know if he can even make that promise. 'Cause he don't know if he can keep it. Maybe just Merle will come back. Maybe Dad will get bit or maybe he'll get killed. Or maybe he won't find Merle and he'll never come back, 'cause he'll just keep looking for Merle. I wanna tell him that, but I don't, because I know that'd probably make him feel bad. "June," Dad says, knockin' his foot into mine for a second time. I look at him again. I think he can read my mind, 'cause the next thing he says is, "I'm comin' back, with or without Merle. I swear to you," Dad says.

My dad's not very good and making people feel better, usually, so I give him the benefit of the doubt. "Ok," I say. I want to hug him because I'm scared that I ain't ever gonna hug him again, but I don't. I don't because I know he doesn't want me to.

"Ok," he says, too. He puts his hand on my head and smooths over my hair before getting back up. "Don't forget to finish skinnin' them squirrels," he reminds me as he's standing up. Then, he marches up to the front of the van and uses his foot to honk on the horn. "Come on! Let's go!" he shouts.

I slide off of the back of the van as Rick comes walking over. Shane follows him and starts telling him 'bout how he thinks this is a real bad idea. I'm watching them talk as I'm leaning up against the back of Shane's black Jeep, and Shane's giving Rick some bullets.

Earlier, Shane was saying that he doesn't think Merle's worth all the fuss. The guy wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dyin' of thirst, he said. Uncle Merle always gave me water when I said I was thirsty, but I don't think he would give it to any of the people at this camp. Especially not Shane. Shane called Merle a douchebag. I've heard that word before, but I ain't exactly sure what it means. I just know it ain't good. Anyway, when Shane's done talking to Rick, he comes over and stands by me, leaning up against his Jeep.

When Rick climbs into the passenger seat of the van, Dad comes back to pull the door down. I give him a smile, even though I'm not real happy right now, and wave. He nods as he pulls the door down and Glenn starts driving him away to the city full a' dead people.

Once the door is closed and they're all driving away, Shane puts his hand on my head like he often does with Carl. "Sorry 'bout all this, kiddo," he says, sounding both annoyed and disappointed.