Junebug • TWD

19. Leech.

The hiding spot I've chosen is this horrible, awful, dark, sad shed I'm in. I've tucked myself as tightly as possible into the corner. I'm pressing my hand tightly over my mouth to keep myself quiet. I shouldn't cry over this. It doesn't make sense from any perspective to cry over it.

If I want to forgive him, then I should be happy he said that. Not crying.

And if I don't want to forgive him, I shouldn't care at all. I shouldn't give a single crap about him. I shouldn't be crying.

But I can't help it. I'm sobbing and sobbing like a toddler whose momma just threw away all their pacifiers.

I am not Junebug anymore. Not to Dad, not to anyone. Not to a single person on this planet. Because the name Junebug was reserved for my dad, and only my dad, to call me. But he stopped after I got taken for those few weeks. And I came back and everything, everything, was different.

When I came back, I wasn't Junebug, my daddy's baby, no more. Ever since I came back, I've been Juniper, the kid my dad has to look after. I've been a burden. I've been Juniper, the reason my dad has to work all dang day; Juniper, the reason my dad doesn't got enough money to buy things for himself; Juniper, the reason my dad has to wake up early in the mornings to get me to school; Juniper, the reason my dad doesn't enjoy his life.

Juniper, the little girl who can't even make her own father happy.

But I'm not worthless. I can't be worthless because I've been trying all my life to be a good person. Dale likes me and Maggie likes me and Hershel likes me and Carl likes me and so many people like me. I can't be worthless. It can't be my fault, can it?

It feels like it is, sometimes.

I try not to think like that. It just hurts my head and my heart to think like that. I've tried for so long to make my dad happy- to be the kid he wants- but it never works. I've tried everything. So it's not me, is it? It's my dad. My dad just doesn't want a kid.

Now, though, he's confusing me. Because suddenly, after all this time, he's decided that he does want me. And I don't want to let him. I know he's just gonna change his mind. He doesn't just get to decide he loves me one day and decide he hates me the next. It isn't fair.

Gosh, it hurts my head. Maybe I should just leave. Maybe I should leave and never ever come back. I'll find myself my own family. I'll find myself a family that wants me. A family that loves me. And they won't change their minds. Not even if I'm annoying or stupid or useless, they won't change their minds because they'll love me for me. Even the bad parts.

"June?" No. No, no, no, no. That's my dad's voice. I want him to go away. "I've been tryna give ya your time, baby, but you been in there for an hour and you're s'posed to take another dose a' this medicine," he tells me. He's outside the door.

"Go away," I groan, trying not to make my voice sound as devastated as I feel.

"You need more medicine, Juni," Dad says with a sigh.

"No, I don't! I don't need no more stupid medicine!" I shout, anger replacing my sadness. I don't care about some stupid medicine. Medicine is what ruined my life in the first place. If my teacher hadn't found that stupid, awful, horrible medicine in my backpack, then I wouldn't have gotten taken. I wouldn't have been taken and Dad would still love me like he did before.

"June-"

"Go away!" I yell at him. I hear him sigh and I hide my head in my arms. And then I hear the door to the shed creek open and my face starts to burn. "Go away, Dad. I don't want you here," I mutter, keeping my face hidden by my arms.