2022 June 6, Monday Afternoon.
~Declan~
The overall pain going on in my mind, it was just a normal afternoon. My cousin was there. Well...no...she wasn't...I thought maybe she was just gonna take longer to get home. Maybe she's with her psychologist. Maybe with her doctor for her Puberty blockers. But I wouldn't have ever thought about my 13 year old cousin. The one I grew up with could end up unconscious in her room.
She was transported to the hospital. But how did I know it wasn't going to end well? At 13 years old, she already had big issues. Kids around her didn't like her for the reason she wasn't a man anymore. Which is a stupid reason. In the process, I lost the cousin I actually cared about.
Mom didn't want to break it to me, but I already knew. My heart was already heavy. I don't know how many times I need to tell people that I didn't need reassurance. It makes me cry. I hate it when I cry.
2023 July 15, Saturday. Hazel
Last week, my dad and I went fishing at the old fishing pond. So I would've never guessed what happened today. Penelope and I went to see a movie. My mom called me, which was unusual.
She never calls me?
I put my phone to my ear and heard her voice. "Honey, it is important that you listen to me. Ok?"
"Ok.."
"Your father...he killed himself, honey." My phone dropped. Did I just hear that? Is this a prank? It's gotta be... right?
"Honey? Are you there?" Penelope picked up the phone and gave it to me. But she saw how distressed I was. So she called for me.
"Yes, misses Rain. What's wrong?"
"Well..Hazel's father is dead." Her face went pale. If that is possible. I could hear my body, and I could hear my heartbeat. It was too loud. The lady working by the cinema walked out and quickly got a towel for me. I almost fell backward.
I've always been there for people, but Penelope is there for me
August 17, Thursday.
I was in so much pain. My body ached with scars. I am not taking this well. Dad looked so happy. Why did this happen?
How did I get so far? It feels like every part of my body is on fire, and I'm the reason why. My hair is pulled out with my hands, who can't figure out any other place to hold. I need to grip something. Anything. The bed sheets were my only option. It feels like I'm being poured in lava. Help. It hurts
People who think having a mental illness is cool, scare me.
Hate
Hate Hate
Hate
Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate
Hate Hate
Hate___Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate Hate
Hate___________________Hate
《When did hating myself become a skill》
April 27, Saturday, 2024.
I grappled through the week. Finally, I will be having my next therapy session. The long awaited one. I was so excited to see her again.
She asked me how I was. How I was doing. If anything had changed. I was fine. For once. It probably took me a while to actually feel happy. Even if the week had been hell. She taught me a few healthy methods for when I was really not feeling good. Such as counting my breathing in 123 steps.
She told me that meditating, continuing to write down my feelings, maybe hitting cushions, trying to exercise or if it gets really bad, call her. Before I left, I gave her a huge hug. She was definitely a good help. I whispered a thank you before leaving her office. Heading out with a small smile. Mom was waiting for me. With lunchbars, ice cream, and groceries in the back. She was feeling and looking much more relieved. We headed back home with music on the radio. I haven't heard some of her songs since dad....dad.. She accidently touched my arm and many burns fell up my skin. "Sorry." She apologised. Mom isn't a bitch. But I still need my time.
I've felt actual physical pain before, many times. Sometimes by accident, sometimes intentional. But the emotional pain felt way worse at times. Here...if I hadn't gotten all the help...I would've hated myself for listening to dad's music. Now I feel at peace. Mom looks happy. Frankie looks happy. I feel happy. Right now, everyone's happy.
《I'll take it》
Depressed people don't feel sadness all the time. They know how to feel happiness. It's not impossible.
YOU ARE READING
Will it be ok?
RomanceDealing with depression is hard, but what's harder is the people around you don't notice and play it off as you are lazy. 15 year old, Hazel had been dealing with depression, anxiety, and self-harm. Life had gone downhill ever since her father had...
