Will it be ok?

Will it be ok? A question some people give to themselves. Questioning their existence. When someone told Hazel it would be ok, she never believed. Will it be ok? At all?

24 December 2024, Tuesday.
For this Christmas, it was different. Mom was willing to allow friends and their families over for a feast.

Penelope came with her mother, father, and a few of her cousins on her father's side. They were younger, all of them. And on the mom's side? Penelope's mom brought her aunt and Fadimata. Apparently, Fadimata's mom died when giving birth to her. Penny also brought Moyo, Aaliyah, and Elijah from her dance group. I stayed respectful when I greeted them

Mom was surprised to see the number of guests but smiled it off.

Declan and his parents came a little later. His parents seemed like nice people.

The Parks and Nelisson's were stuck in the kitchen, cooking and chatting together.

The younger cousins were stuck in the living room playing with my little ponies and hot wheels. Us teens were stuck on the couch, chatting.

Declan was on his phone, chatting with someone.

"Girlfriend?" He shook his head. Maybe he doesn't swing for that team. "Boyfriend?" He shook again. He doesn't like anyone.

I put my head on Penelope's shoulder, who was chatting with her cousin, Fadimata. She rubbed my bicep, creating warmth. Moyo was drawing, and Elijah and Aaliyah were actually laughing together instead of Elijah rolling her eyes.

Frankie went upstairs with her friend, Briar. She doesn't have many friends, so I'm happy she had Them.

"Dinners ready!"

The dinner table consisted of these foods: potato pancakes (Raggmunk) with Lingonberry jam and an extra bowl with meatballs right next to it from the Declans side of the family On the other side of the table was peanut stew or groundnut stew (Tigadèguèna) from Penelope's family. A bowl on the side with mangos and oranges and at the centre was a bowl of Pierogi from my mom. Right next to it had another plate of watermelons, just in case anyone at the table who didn't feel hungry could maybe grab something light like a watermelon.

Everyone at the table dug in. There was lots of chatting and getting to know each other from different sides of the table. I stayed quiet. Penny grabbed a watermelon, I glanced at her, "Aren't you hungry?" She shook her head. I shrugged it off and grabbed some Pierogi, which I had tons of times with my grandparents and some of the potato pancakes.

Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Keep it in Hazel. Keep it in.

"I'm a lesbian."

The whole table went quiet. I could tell they were boring holes into the side of my face.

"A lesbian?" Penelope's mom said. Everyone in the room wasn't as shocked as my mom. I need to leave. I can't take this. I got out of my chair and headed upstairs.

I locked myself in the bathroom. I was gripping my knees to my chest. Please. Please. Please. Please.

Don't put me in this situation.

Dear Jesus Christ in heaven. Please tell me that it isn't a problem.

I heard knocks at the door, but honestly, I was gone.

"Brook. Come out." Frankie called out my middle name. Frankie. I need Frankie.

My hands gripped the doorknob behind me. When the door was unlocked, Frankie got in and closed the door. Sitting down in front of me.

"That was brave."

"No. I completely came out and left like it was a crime scene."

"You did it better than I ever will." I looked at her.

"You're a les-"

"Bisexual. Well... I think so.."

"Is mom-"

"No. Hazel. Mom isn't like that. When you left, she was very concerned. She doesn't want you to go back to that place in your mind."

"Did you tell her? Will you ever tell her?"

"Probably not. It isn't even an important conversation to have for me. I don't feel the need to have to tell anyone anything about me. I wish it was the other way around, where you have to tell your parents you're straight, but I seriously have given up trying to understand myself, Hazel."

"How's the thing with Mateo?"

"Terrible, he won't leave me alone. Ugh. This isn't even about me, Hazel. You ran from dinner, and I wanted to bring you back. But now it seems like a terrible idea-"

"No, I have to face my fears, Frankie."

A sniffling sound of the bathroom door opening beneath my fingers.

I heard sounds from downstairs. My footsteps could be heard as I walked downstairs.

Mom stood up from her seat, and everyone at the table turned to us. They were ready for anything. I was ready to be slapped. I was ready to be thrown out. I was ready to be scolded like a child.

Until I felt warm hands around me. Mom's warm hands. For the first time in probably 10 years.... I truly loved my mother. 10 years ago. When we moved here. From Poland. Mom had to hold me. I missed my old home. Even if it meant being annoyed with how much I cried, I had felt safe in my mother's embrace.
《Poland》
Miłość