Will it be ok?

~The only reason I'm alive~

Tw: self harm but mostly mentions of it.

April 14, Sunday morning

The birds outside chirped loudly like they were the only ones on this planet. Today was Saturday. My cat jumped through the window. Her black fur touched with blue eyes. She sat on my bed like waiting for me to stand up and feed her. "Guten morgen, Stormy." I slightly pulled the cat so it could lie down. "Hello, kitty."

I said before kissing its head. She purred before trying to look back, but I stopped her. Picked her up slowly and put her down to the floor. She followed me by my legs as I entered the kitchen. I grabbed a banana and opened a counter to reveal a bucket with cat food in it. I grabbed Stormys cat bowl and poured the cat food in it. She moved quickly to her food and started digging in.

Once I made it back to my room, I realized that my phone was on the floor with one message. 'Morning, how is Stormy doing?🤗'

I forgot that Stormy was Penelope little baby, so I quickly texted back, 'she's doing amazing, growing big🤭🐈‍⬛'

I missed her so dearly. Three dots appeared before disappearing, and finally, her message popped up, which made my heart rate speed up, 'were such good parents, I love my baby<3' for a second I just kept rereading that one message then finally getting the courage to text back. 'Yeah<3' the last one was hard to write, but eventually, it sent through. I sat down on my desk and skimmed through the pages of my journal.

Finally, I landed on the picture of my dad. I pasted it in and at the bottom wrote 'Class of '89s' screw it. I took out my pens and pencils and just started drawing. A candle with random colors swarming around it. All the colors of the Rainbow.
   ❤️
     🧡
       💛
         💚
           💙
              💜   
The only person I trusted. I don't think Penelope knows. I didn't trust my gut enough to tell her.

It's not like she doesn't like queer people. Heck, quite the opposite. She was furious when she found out her younger cousin got bullied for being gay, I just had a feeling that everything might go downhill if I told her. What if she finds out I like her? Will she stop being friends with me? I hadn't even realized how I was standing next to my drawer...

The
  drawer
           that 
                had 
                     my

.
.
.
addiction

No no no no

I am not going back to that.

Don't you remember how back it was when he died?

You're doing so well

Please
    Please
        Please
          Do not do this again

The....item....was bloodied... full of blood stains that will never leave. Not just the item.
Also, my skin.
          My skin.
          My skin.
          My skin.         

My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.                     My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.         
My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My skin.          My Skin.          My skin.

All bloodied from my sanity.

Thanks a lot, you stupid crook.

His death still haunts me. Like a dream that will never leave.
               PLEASE. GO AWAY

My skin crawls with thorns that I forgot to throw away, thorns that stick to your body like glue. My head aches whenever I see my skin. I'm hoping one day it will stop bleeding.

I don't know if I think that day will ever come. The only reason I'm still alive is because of

☆her☆

《I don't want to see her tears at my funeral》