𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙍𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝘾𝙖𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙤𝙡, 𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙊𝙙𝙖𝙞𝙧

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 40: 𝒪𝓊𝓇𝓈

Raven prays that she is dead. The silence is a warm hug she doesn't dare step out of. Not by will, anyways. Perhaps the blood flow to her brain had been cut off long enough. 

        Yet, she finds herself waking up, dazed and a sinking feeling in her stomach. She turns her head, checking her surroundings. Finnick is sitting in a chair next to her hospital bed, his head in his hands and his elbows resting on her bed. Raven panics, looking down at herself, a shudder going down her spine when she realizes she's in a hospital gown. 

        "Finnick-" Raven gasps when he lifts his head. His eyes puffy and red. His sea green eyes are glossy and conflicted. "Are you okay?" Her voice comes out hoarse and thick, yet she persists. 

        Finnick chuckles, clearing his throat. "No, Raven. I'm not okay." He sniffles, wiping his under eyes with his shirt sleeve. "I find out you wanted to die, you didn't even try to get him off you. You just waited for him to kill you," Finnick's voice said in a low, angry voice. He stands up suddenly, pacing around in small circles and pulling at his blond curls. "Y- you..." 

        Raven's mouth is agape, heavy breaths leaving her mouth. He saw the scars that were hidden by her clothes and then revealed by her hospital gown, and Finnick knows it all now.  

        "I thought something was wrong and I chose to say nothing." Raven's heart drops further, if possible. "Nothing is right, everything is just-" His voice cuts off, as he catches his breath. 

        "This isn't your fault!" Raven's voice cuts through his heavy, uneven breathing and dazed mental state. "It's my-" 

        "Don't you dare finish that sentence," Finnick says. With trembling hands, he grips onto Raven's hand, his knuckles turning white. "Your pain isn't your fault, I just wish I'd seen it sooner. I wish I could've helped you," he sniffled as he said so. Finnick pulls the chair closer to him, sitting back down in it. "Whatever is hurting you, I'll be there. I'm here, understand?" 

        Raven nods. "It won't happen aga-" 

        "Raven, it isn't that simple," he straightens his back and looks up towards the ceiling, taking a long pause. "You didn't become a self harmer overnight. You didn't hate yourself in one day. This isn't something you just stop." His grip on her hands are now gentle and soothing, as he runs his thumb over it. "There'll be months where it's crystal clear, and then one day makes you go back. And that's ok." 

        Now Raven's eyes were pooling with tears, red and puffy. All of this? How did she get the best friend someone could ever ask for? 

        "But remember, like I've told you from the beginning, and will continue telling you," he looks up into her eyes, offering a small smile. "Your pain isn't all yours to bear. It's ours. I'll take the load, like you take mine. We're a team." 

        Raven nods. Not a smile, nor a glint of hope in her eyes. Yet, there is some relief in her eyes. She doesn't need to perfect it in a day. But she doesn't need to perfect it in one day. She has time. 

          And those thoughts send Raven into a crying mess, collapsing into Finnick's chest as she longs for death's icy grip. 

A/N: 

Hey guys. I wanted this chapter to be published in September considering it is suicide prevention awareness month. Too often in books and media do we see the love interest saying "promise me you'll never do it again." However, the appropriate response is support, and encouraging change and acknowledging it isn't as simple as stopping. For many, including Raven, self harm has become a coping mechanism to feel normal and numb her mind from other painful thoughts. 

Please remember if you're struggling, there are people who want to help! I'm open to talk if you need someone to rant to. If someone you know is struggling, understand that recovery isn't as simple as "stopping." 

Anyways, I know it seems like there's a lotta angst in these chapters, but it is absolutely necessary for their future relationship and the story. And yes, this is a fanfic but The Hunger Games has social commentary after all, and this is one way I try to incorporate it (albeit, in a more direct than subtle way). 

Ok now: thoughts? pls let me know! I rly hope u guys like it and i want ur genuine opinions pls! it'll help me get out chapters. faster