𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙍𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝘾𝙖𝙥𝙞𝙩𝙤𝙡, 𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙊𝙙𝙖𝙞𝙧

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 14: 𝒟𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓇𝒾𝒸𝓉 6

Raven's face is buried in the pillow of her bed on the train. She is just an hour away from being home, but she doesn't want to go back home. Or the Capitol. She isn't too sure what she wants right now except to take back every single thing she did in the arena and allow Josie to kill her. 

        A light knock is on her door, and in a muffled voice she yells out, "Come in." Opal steps in and sits down next to Raven, gently rubbing her back. "I won." She turns on her back and gives a sarcastic smile. "Yay me. Were you surprised?"

        Opal shrugs. "Slightly." But then the expression on her face drops. "I also thought of something selfish," she admits. Raven already has an idea of what it is, but allows her to say it anyways. "I don't have to mentor anymore. I won't have to drown myself in sorrow every time my tribute dies."  

        "But I won," Raven quietly says. "That should make you feel somewhat better." 

        Opal smiles, trying to make Raven feel better. "Of course it does, I should've worded that better. But that doesn't change a whole lot. I'm never going to feel fine until the day I die. Maybe not even then," she voices out, the silence afterwards being louder than anything Raven's ever heard. "For a second, I know I should've wished for you to die. It would've been better for you. And yet, a selfish part of me wanted you to survive to make me feel better, and not like a failure who fails two children every single year." 

.·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·.

The moment her feet hit the train station's floors, she is met with the familiar scent of the construction and architecture in six as well as the cheers and screams of all the people gathered outside. She steps forward and immediately widens her eyebrows. There is everyone: The people who she hates, the people she tolerates, and the one person she loves. 

        Without a care in the world, she leaps over the railing and pushes through a small group of people and jumps in her brother's arms. There are no cameras, so she cries her eyes out in his shoulder as all the emotions hit her at once: 

         Relief for being back at home with her brother and now, Opal. 

         Guilt for the innocent lives she is responsible for taking.  

         Fear for what's next and what the Capitol has in store for her remarks against them.  

         Confusion as to what her life is now with unlimited money and glory. 

         Disgust with being such a spectacle and "beauty" under the greedy eyes of the Capitol. 

         "You came back," Robin finally allows himself to accept it, leaving his embrace and looking at her directly in her eyes. "You came back," he says again, hugging her again so tightly, she almost stops breathing. 

         "I promised, didn't I?"  

.·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·..·:*¨ ✘♚✘ ¨*:·.

One day later, and the Capitol attendants have all her stuff already moved to the new house in Victor's Village. It's such a big space for two people, that Raven feels almost terrified of the house.  

        "Robin, we need to talk." Raven so desperately wants to avoid the conversation about their mother, but knows it's necessary. Robin carefully sits next to her, afraid of the awkward conversation that is surely about to transpire. She thinks about whether she should sugar coat it, but before her brain can think of a way to say it, her mouth opens on its own. "Mom's alive." Boom. Bomb drops on the tiny moment of peace they were having moments ago. 

          Robin doesn't say anything. His eyes fixate on the vase of flowers in the middle of the table instead, as he processes the words and all the unnecessary grief he faces. The words he says first are unexpected. "How were you not distracted in the games after having such a realization," he genuinely thinks. 

        The truth is, Raven herself doesn't know the answer. "She's an avox," she adds shamefully. 

        Robin gulps, not being one to show process things all so quickly. "I don't know what to say." Raven suddenly has memories of her interview, and starts crying again. With the comfort of her brother, it is the only time she can let her tough exterior fall. Robin is quick to go to her side and place an arm over her shoulders, tucking her into her side. "Hey, talk to me," he softly comforts.  

        Raven sniffs as another attack of tears comes along. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Mom might actually die this time and it's because of me," she chokes out, sobbing more uncontrollably. "She wasn't there after my games and Opal doesn't know where she is and the stupid stuff I said in the interview about Snow and during the reaping," she vents out, all of her words meddling through the sound of her crying. She buries her face in his shoulder, finding slight rest and warmth in there as he hugs her. "And Ronan, he was the only other person I trusted besides you during the games. We would've been such good friends and he died." She jumps up from his shoulder. "And I forgot about his mom, screw me!" She stands up, not sure what to do and jumps for her keys, deciding to go to Stella's house now. 

        Robin rushes over to Raven, and gently guides her away by her shoulders. "Where are you going Rae? You've only been back a day, there's always tomorrow." Robin feels immense pain for Raven, knowing this is a scar that will never heal. "At least you have Opal now," he says. Raven agrees in her head, knowing he's right. But it all just comes down again as she further sorrows for her losses. "

        "Please make it go away," she croaks as the pain in her chest is unbearable. She falls on her knees as the energy required to cry takes her body. "Make it stop," she yells out. Robin does and says nothing, and rather just stays there, holding her as her mind figures out what to do. "You and Ronan were the only ones who understood me. He knew I wasn't a person who just hated people and emotions and affection from humans. He saw me for more than the Capitol's raven." Raven sniffles, finally calming down. "And I killed him." 

        Raven flinches when the doorbell rings suddenly, as she is in her thoughts. "I'll go get that," he says. He comes back, holding a box. "It's slightly heavy for a regular package," he states. "It doesn't say who it's from," he notices. 

        She wipes her face with her sleeve and swallows the mucus in her throat. "Put on the ground here and open it" He hesitantly opens it, and immediately screams as he sees the eyes of his mother look up straight at him. 

        "No..." Raven cries out, the feeling of impending doom entering her mind and body again. "Why did I say that, why!" Knowing no other rational response, her hand balls in a fist and she hits it against her temple. "Why did I say that... Why did I say that... Why did I-" Her hands are restrained by Robin, but he too is in tears now. Raven screams out something to animal like and blood curdling that the birds outside stop chirping and ravens stop cawing. 

        She has just killed another person who is of the utmost importance to her. 

        At the bottom of the box is a letter. 

       To: Raven Celeste 

        From: President Snow

       The lovely words you said weren't unheard. I decided saying a thank you wouldn't be enough. After all: Actions speak louder than words.