When The Canary Sings

Behind Closed Doors.

First Person Point of View: Becca Blue: 

BEWARE: MAJOR FORESHADOWING

* 

Katniss and Peeta's victory tour was nothing short of a (barely) controlled dumpster fire. The first day in, we already had a casualty.

Katniss had just finished a moving speech about Rue, when an old man in the crowd raised three fingers in the air and whistled her four-note tune. Then, it was all over. Screaming, fighting, pushing forward and pulling back. Then, once they got all of us behind the closed doors of the Justice Building, there was a loud shot. I peeked out the window to see the lan, lying dead, a bullet hole right to the head.

Haymitch dragged us to a secret, beautiful room in the Justice Building. He was mad, but he looked at me, this stern look in his eyes...and then I see this...this unmistakable fear, and I realized something. He's always afraid. He's afraid for all of us, and when Haymitch is afraid, we should all be afraid.

It was then, in a hidden room in the District Eleven Justice Building, Peeta and I both found out about President Snow's visit just a day ago. We learn about the uprising kings in the different districts. Peeta was rightfully angry, he threw a lamp. I was–I am angry.

"This is over, okay? This little game you two play where you share secrets and not tell us!" Peeta yells, gesturing to me and him. I stand next to Peeta, and for a second I glance to the floor. There's a small crack in the floor. When I look up, I see the divide. Haymitch and Katniss on one side, and Peeta and I on the other. It's some kind of messed-up, real life, poetic message.

"It's not like that, Peeta–" Katniss tries to say, but it is interrupted by an angry Peeta. I stand by him, this is finally my moment to raise my own voice.

"It's exactly like that!" I finally say, "we can't live like this! Keeping each other behind closed doors. All. The. TIme!" I yell, my eyes falling on Haymitch. This starts a full-blown argument between me and Peeta, and Katniss and Haymitch. My world was spinning, going round and round and round as we all yell at each other.

Peeta says something about screwing everything up by giving people money, he screams at both Haymitch and Katniss, telling them how he doesn't think Rue or Thresh's families will last the day. I agree.

Everything is so different from last year. I remember last year, when I walked right through the crowd to Chip's mother...I wonder how much trouble I got in for that. How many accidents were arranged when I sang to the crowds? How many times did I piss someone off, and they make a plan to kill me? All behind closed doors.

Peeta confronts the two of them about having a system set up in the arena. Then he says that we never sent him anything until Katniss showed up, which I even felt a bit guilty about, but I do remember telling Haymitch we should, and once again, he didn't listen.

"From now you'll be fully informed." Haymitch promises.

"I better be." Peeta says, then walks away.

"Will I?" I say, a plain tone to my voice. My face deadpan, for once in my life I try to be taken seriously.

"Kid–"

That was my answer. Not a yes, not a no. Just a kid.

"Kiss my ass." I mutter, turning to walk away. I hear a sigh behind me, but no one even tries to stop me, so I go.

I want to scream, shout, steal a peacekeeper's gun and shoot myself right in the head. I want to jump around and punch the walls and break the windows. I want to rip the dresses and break the wine bottles. I want to set fire to everything and watch it all burn. I want to rip the hair out of my head and claw my eyes out and scratch myself out of my own skin. What am I even here for? Why am I even on his tour? Why am I alive? Why was I born? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?