Songs I Write | VIII

The Closest

You said that night, you wanted it done
The good mornings and good nights
You said you fight feelings of resentment
But I feel the regret in your sighs
You said that night, you don't give a care
Didn't have a bone belonging that could crack
So why did you leave me so ill-prepared
For you to keep coming back?

Now I watch from outside your window
'Cause it's the closest I can be
To still being part of your life
Without giving too much of me

I've scoured this land for a hand to hold
For someone to tell me it gets better
Though they're words that fell out of your mouth
Like from a bird soaring the sky, a feather
A token of love I once dreamed about
A tale we adorned with innocence
But what is a dream without violent awakening
And innocence if not ignorance?

Now I watch from outside your window
'Cause it's the closest I can be
To still being part of your life
Without giving too much of me
I watch from outside your window
Run my fingertips along the chips
To being part of your life
While convincing myself it's not what it is

The obsession of a deluded woman
Loving and letting go is not easy
Aggression of a deluded woman
I love with ferocity
I mock myself, I'm such a fool
A loser awaiting the cruel
Fate, to be in love with you
Knowing it's death do me apart
I'm not myself or the most I've been
I'm not sure how to navigate this
Fate, to be in love with you
Knowing its death will do me apart

Now I watch from outside your window
'Cause it's the closest I can be
To still being part of your life
Without giving too much of me
I watch from outside your window
Drawing hearts in breathy fog
To still being part of your life
Without giving too much