Mr. And Mrs. Bhalla

19

Author's POV

Raman's mind was a whirlpool of thought as he made his way to the therapist's office for his second session. The weight of the diary in his bag was a constant reminder of the internal journey he had embarked upon. Writing down his feelings instead of lashing out in anger was something entirely new to him. He had never been one to express his emotions, let alone commit them to paper. Yet, he had done it—somewhat reluctantly at first—but it had started to feel like an outlet, a way to release the tension that often consumed him.

As he stepped into the familiar office, the calming atmosphere helped ease the nerves that had started to creep in. Dr. Mehra greeted him with a warm smile, motioning for him to sit down.

"How have you been, Raman?" she asked, her voice steady and reassuring.

Raman took a deep breath, "Better, I think. Writing in the diary... it was strange at first, but it helped. I didn't think it would, but it did."

Dr. Mehra nodded, "That's good to hear. The first step is always the hardest, but it seems like you've taken it well. Did you find it difficult to articulate your feelings?"

Raman hesitated before answering, "Yes and no. I mean, putting everything down in words was tough, but it also made me confront things I’ve been avoiding. Like how angry I’ve been with... well, a lot of things. It felt like the anger was the only thing keeping me going, but now I’m realizing it’s just been holding me back."

Dr. Mehra leaned forward slightly, her eyes filled with understanding. "Anger can be a powerful motivator, but it can also be destructive if not managed properly. What did you write about that helped you see this?"

Raman looked down at his hands, his voice quieter now, "I wrote about my mother. About how much I miss her and how I’ve been so angry at everyone, including myself, for not being able to protect her. And then there’s my dad... I’ve been angry at him for moving on, for remarrying. But I’m beginning to see that it’s not that simple."

Dr. Mehra listened intently, giving him the space to express himself fully. "Grief and anger are closely intertwined, especially when we lose someone we love dearly. It’s understandable that you would feel this way. But recognizing it is the first step towards healing."

She paused, letting her words sink in before continuing, "Have you ever allowed yourself to grieve for your mother, Raman? To truly acknowledge the loss?"

Raman looked up, surprised by the question. "I... I don't know. Maybe I haven't. I've always been too focused on what I should be doing, on keeping everything together."

"Grieving is not just about mourning the loss of a loved one," Dr. Mehta explained. "It's about acknowledging the impact that loss has had on you, allowing yourself to feel the pain, and then finding a way to heal from it. It might be worth exploring that in your journal. Write a letter to your mother, Raman. Tell her everything you're feeling. It could help you release some of that pent-up guilt and fear."

Raman nodded, feeling a mix of relief and vulnerability. "I’ve been taking it out on Ishita too, without even realizing it. She didn’t deserve that, and I want to be better for her, for us."

Dr. Mehra smiled gently, "It’s clear that you care deeply for her, and the fact that you’re aware of your actions is a positive sign. In our sessions, we’ll continue to explore these feelings and work on strategies to help you manage your emotions more constructively. Would you be comfortable sharing a few entries from your diary in our next session?"

Raman considered it, feeling a twinge of anxiety at the thought of revealing something so personal. But he also recognized the importance of this step. "I can do that. It might help me make more sense of everything."