Seasons- Golden Hours

🌻Agastya Espresso🌻🐸

Eshani 

I wake up with the smell of cinnamon and view of cream shade walls, the photo of me, Adhira, Mahika and, Vaidehi was my first view that was hanging on the wall. 

"You're up?" I turned around to see beautiful Amber eyes of Mahika. The amount of work she is doing and keeping up with her looks as well is commendable. 

I move a bit to notice faint red marks on my thighs. It was blood swirled around like waves of ocean that could probably turn red because of the blood moon and my skin looked like a sand- A perfect contrast. 

Heat rise up my cheeks and as I bit my lower lip A hiss left from my throat. Mahika handed me cinnamon tea failing to hide the frown covering her forehead. 

"That guy..." she stops noticing my body twitching and reacting to this particular conversation. "He is dangerous... I have heard rumors about his family and yeah-" she shrugs her shoulder, tilting her neck. 

"It was my first kiss..." I sighed. To me a first kiss should have been with someone well valid? He is some random man, he could have been anyone- A murderer, a gangster, a well 50 year old. 

When I was young, I used to watch movies where girls would collide with a stranger, kiss them, accidently sleep with them and in the end the couple would end up together. 

But happy endings aren't real. 

I clutched on my hair, the hangover taking over me. Yes, everything happened according to the plan but why would that man ever help me? He looked like someone who would gladly put people in chains. 

Not freeing them. 

Mahika's arm was all the time caressing my shoulder. Adhira walked inside looking confused and busy typing something on the phone. 

"What happened to Eshani?" She innocently asked tapping on her phone, nervous and out of breath. 

"You forgot about the kiss and vomit-"

"Vomit?" I almost lost my breath. The beautiful white shirt of his and I ruined it? My first kiss could not possibly end up in vomiting. There is no way he would come back to me and no way I am trying to kiss someone else now. 

It's exhausting and- it's I won't kiss anyone anymore. It's final. 

"Yeah." Adhira said, her face had all the color washed out and I am pretty sure she didn't even listen to whatever happened. 

"I am going for the rehearsals, okay?" Mahika smiles and leaves. 

I remember they have only one week for the show and they are working so hard. 

If it was not for my mother then I would have been working on my PhD classes too. But guess what? No matter how much I study and excel, I wouldn't be enough until I have a man holding my hand. 

Should I lie to her that I'm lesbian? 

Even Adhira got in relationship with Samar. I have a feeling that they would reconcile but her wedding would be the death of me. 

Why? Coz she is one year younger and probably would marry sooner. 

I facepalm myself. Guess it's time for therapy journaling? I take out my aesthetic diary and the fact I gave time to decorate it by myself using DIYs. Well it has paintings of daisies filtered under the sunlight. I am not the best at crafts but in my dorm room, I used to do this a lot. 

My wall was full of paintings that calmed me down. 

I opened it- it has everyone's characteristics. My family, my friends, me. I have this hobby of collecting people's words and interpreting their behaviors and the trauma response rooted in them.