It was dark, too dark for Wooyoung's comfort. He didn't know how to move his body even with the warmth surrounding him under something soft and warm, like a bad. Though Wooyoung's mind kept reminding him of the bad things, actually nothing bad, but still, he did and what he should have done and all the chances he lost. What if he wasn't shy, What if he just went up to Yeosang and confessed his feeling, why was he acting like a fool? He wasn't a fool. He was smart but-
"Wooyoung,"
Who called his name, he didn't know. He didn't recognize the voice even if he tried so hard, not until a thumb wiped a tear off his cheek, which he didn't even know he started to cry.
"It's ok," the voice assured him, and it clicked. It was Seonghwa. He had fainted during practice? Did he? Maybe he didn't eat enough
"Wooyoung, darling, it's ok, can you open your eyes?" Another voice asked, Hongjoong? Or was it Yeosang-- he couldn't tell.
"Seonghwa, can you and Yeosang leave for a few minutes? I need to have a talk with him alone," Hongjoong said quietly, holding Wooyoung's hand in his as the two left. But not before kissing Wooyoung's temple.
"So... do you wanna tell me when this whole eating disorder and self-harm began?" Hongjoong asked carefully, still holding Wooyoung's hand and rubbing knuckles with his thumb.
"I'm not - why did you look at my arms? I'm not just some painting to be stared at at a museum," Wooyoung snapped, his voice shaky but laced with a hint of defiance. He couldn't understand why Hongjoong had to pry into his personal life like this. It felt intrusive, like someone had stumbled into a room he wasn’t ready to share.
"Hurt doesn’t always come with an invitation, you know?" Hongjoong replied, his tone gentle yet firm. "You think I want to look at your arms? I saw what you were trying to hide, and it scared me. It scares all of us."
Wooyoung tried to sit up, but the sudden movement sent waves of dizziness over him, forcing him back down. “I’m fine, Hongjoong. Really. I just... I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?” Hongjoong squeezed his hand tighter, grounding Wooyoung. “Because it hurts? Or because you think talking about it makes it real?”
Silence stretched between them, thick with unspoken truths. Wooyoung’s heart raced, that old familiar panic clawing its way back into his chest. He felt like he was being cornered, but deep down, he knew that Hongjoong was only trying to help. He wanted to tell him everything, yet the words seemed lodged in his throat.
“What if I said it started when I realized… I was alone?” Wooyoung broke the silence, eyes focused on the ceiling.
A sigh escaped Hongjoong, sorrow tinging his voice. “You’re not alone, Wooyoung. You never were. We’re all here for you, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.”
“But what if—” Wooyoung’s voice trembled as he hesitated. “What if I don’t want to be saved? What if I just want to... fade away?”
“Don’t say that,” Hongjoong’s voice was fierce, his eyes flashing with a protective energy Wooyoung had never seen before. “You matter too much to all of us. Don't let that darkness cloud your vision. We all have our battles, but that doesn’t mean we fight them alone.”
The warmth of Hongjoong’s grip enveloped Wooyoung, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, he wanted to believe. But the shadows in his mind resisted, whispering lies that threatened to pull him back under.
“I’m scared,” he finally admitted, a choked sob escaping his lips. “I don’t know how to stop.”
“Then let’s figure it out together,” Hongjoong said softly. “You don’t have to have all the answers now. Just take it one step at a time, and I’ll be right there beside you.”
For a moment, Wooyoung allowed himself to hope, his resolve wavering as he let the tears spill freely. He took a shaky breath, his heart still heavy but now accompanied by the light of Hongjoong's unwavering support.
“Okay,” Wooyoung whispered, the word a fragile promise.
“Okay,” Hongjoong echoed, offering a reassuring smile that soothed Wooyoung's tumultuous thoughts, if only just a little. “Then let’s start with today.”
And so, in that dim room filled with warmth, Wooyoung took the first step.
