Honey and Scars

Nature

My parents and I sat outside, the sun shining down melting the chocolate covered strawberries on a small platter.

My father cracked the top of a half cooked egg and ate the barely cooked yoke with a soup spoon.

"So. Have you thought about schools?" My father poked as he sipped his hot coffee and ate his egg.

"Father. That's over a year away. I really don't need to start looking for a while." I replied, sighing deeply.

"Yes, yes. But like we've said many times before. It never hurts to start early!" He said, an almost joyful smile painted on his rough wrinkled cheeks.

"Mhm. I know." I agreed, rolling my eyes.

I've never gone to an actual school. That's not exactly how things work here. I do a paper course, turn things in on the web, and send my work in to professors all around the world. Apparently I've got quite a good gpa. 4.0 to be exact. I'm unsure of how I achieved such a high grade, considering the fact I'm not enrolled in an actual school, but I guess all the time I spend with my face in textbooks adds to the high grade.

It's not my greatest wish to be smart, but my parents expect me to be, so I have no choice.

"Well, either way... you need to start studying. We have books coming soon, and once they're here we'll have your tutor come for morning and afternoon lessons." My mother told me, stating the news as if it's something I've never heard before.

She says the same thing every fall. "Be ready. Start studying. Your tutor is coming."

"Oh be assured. I most definitely will apply myself like I do every year!" I laughed out rather rudely.

My mother scoffed and rolled her blue eyes. She was always like when I said something that wasn't proper, necessary, or women like. Nobody cares about being womanly anymore. It's not the 1960s.

They had a point however. I really should get studying. It's a shame that I'm too busy thinking about and being with Matteo.

I sat by the pond, my feet moving the cool water around in circles. I was occupied with a book, quite contended and serene.

The thought of being eighteen is scary. I know it won't change much, but it does give Matteo complete access to my body. That is if I allow him. It's not as if I don't want him to 'explore me' or anything, I do. Very, very badly, I just... I'm worried I'm not ready. Not just to loose my innocence, but to go to collage, to become an adult, to openly have to take responsibility for myself.

It's so scary, yet it's exhilarating, and as long as I've got Matteo I'll be okay. I hope.

A frog hoped from a lily pad onto my foot and I jumped up, dropping my book, as a scream escaped my mouth.

"Holy shit!" I yelled looking at the little green thing swimming in the water from being forcefully kicked off.

He looked so pitiful.

"I'm sorry little guy. You just scared me." I said quietly, kneeling down by the pond and scooping up the frog.

It looked up at me with wide little black eyes, and I'll admit, it was the cutest little thing.

I set him down on a lily pad and wiped my hands on my pants.

I wonder if that's how Matteo sees me. Small, innocent, and so very susceptible to the forces of nature. Nature being him.

I gathered my stuff and walked back towards the house after waving goodbye to the frog.

I was sat on my bed as I watched the sun dip low over the horizon. Songbirds hushed as crickets began to sing their evening song, and I sat on my bed contemplating.

I was staring up at the ceiling thinking of none other than Matteo when a knock on my door reverberated throughout the room.

"Come in." I said turning my head towards the door.

It's probably my mother.

Victoria entered, and a huge smile was plastered across her tan face.

"Hi Han!" She smiled and walked over towards my bed. "I called but you didn't answer so I came over." She stated, taking a seat at the top of the bed.

I rolled over on my stomach and faced her. "Oh. Sorry. I've been upstairs." I apologized, offering a soft smile up at her.

"It's ok!" She assured. "So. I came to ask if you wanted to go to the movies with Conrad, me and one of his friends. Please!! It'll be so fun!" She begged, sticking her bottom lip out and pouting like a little kid.

Last time I went somewhere with her I ended up alone and drunk.

"Uh. Probably not, Vic." I replied, sighing heavily.

"Oh cmon!! It'll be fun and you can finally get out!" She pleaded.

"That's what you said last time." I reminded her. "And anyway, there's no point. I'll just third wheel."

"No! His friend will be there! Maybe you guys will hit it off!" She said, with a matter a fact tone of voice.

"Absolutely not. If he's anything like Conrad I think I'm good." I said laughing a bit. I sat up and smiled as she sighed and crossed her arms.

"Ugh! You're no fun!" She whined. "Conrad is great!" She tried her best to convince me, but my decision remained the same.

"Maybe I am! And you love me anyway." I said, a wide smile on my cheeks.

"Ugh. I know." She agreed, sighing. "Well. If you won't go at least let me tell you about it tomorrow?" She said, making it sound like a question, but I knew it was more mandatory.

"Okay, deal. As long as you keep the dirty details to yourself." I said, disgust framing my face.

"Fineeee!" She agreed and stood up. "Okay. I'm gonna go get ready, but I'll see you tomorrow." She said reaching down to hug me quickly.

I returned her hug, and nodded when she pulled back. "Okay. Have fun and don't get pregnant!" I told her, shaking my head as she smirked.

"I won't! And oh! We're gonna have a little hangout tomorrow evening, will you at least come to that?" She asked, her face full of pleases and hope.

"Fine." Is all I said before blowing her a kiss and getting up to head towards the shower.

"Yay! Bye doll!" She said and ran down the stairs, humming a happy little tune.

I love that girl so damn much, but I'm so fucking jealous and I don't think that's ever going to change.