Honey and Scars

Confessions

A knock on my bedroom door sounded through the room and for some reason my heart skipped a beat. I knew it wasn't Matteo though. He had left early yesterday morning, and unfortunately it's only been one day. Not three.

"Come in." I said as I set down my nail polish on my bedside table. I paint my nails to keep from biting them. It's one of my many shitty habits.

"Hi sweetie." My mom said opening my door and walking towards my bed.

"Hi mom." I turned to face her as she sat at the foot of my bed. What could she possibly want this time?

"I need to talk to you." She said with a slight edge in her voice.

Oh fuck.

"About? I questioned, growing more nervous by the second.

"I saw you and Matteo getting awfully... handsy a few days ago. Now, I'm not upset, I just really... really want you to know that he's a grown man, and you're still a girl. Not to mention... he's a farmhand." She began, pursing her bright crimson lips.

My cheeks went red, and I immediately looked away. How could she have found out? Unless she was spying on us through the window. Which, unfortunately is highly likely.

"Mom-" I began to argue but was cut off with a tone so sharp I thought a demon had over taken her body.

"Don't argue with me Hannah. You can't talk to him. You can't. It won't ever work, and it's just going to hurt you both." She explained, yet I had no care to what she had to say.

I widened my eyes, taken back by her tone. "Mother! What I do with my relationships has nothing to do with what you think is right or wrong. I'm almost an adult too, and I... I can make my own decisions." I say, slightly shouting. I'm so tired of her.

"But having sex with him just isn't right Hannah. You don't seem to understand, you should be-"

I cut her off right then and there interrupting her false accusations. "Now wait a second. Matteo and I aren't having sex. That's bold of you too assume, and second, I really do not appreciate the way you're shouting at me"

"Okay well the way you two were kissing sure looked like you were." She said loudly, ignoring my last sentence.

"Well we aren't. So that's that." I stated, growing tired of this argument.

"Hannah. You have to focus on school. You don't need a man keeping you from focusing." She argued back, desperately trying to make a point.

"Oh will you just stop about school? I don't want to be a fucking doctor! I don't want to go to collage and I most definitely don't want to waste my time sticking my nose into a book trying to be someone you never could!" I shouted as I stood up.

Tears swelled in her eyes as they widened. I don't care that I hurt her. She hurt me all my life.

I turned away and stormed out of my room.

"Hannah!" I heard her voice fade out and I stomped down the stairs, out the door, and to the pasture. I ran across the field to a creek that's located about a 5 minute walk from our house. 2 minutes if you run. Not that I was counting or anything.

The minute I got there I immediately unlaced my shoes, took off my shocks, and stripped myself down to my bra and panties. Without hesitation I dove into the creek letting the cold water rush over my light skin. The cold water felt like a breath of fresh air, a sort of release. I need to find other things to do instead of cutting myself, and although swimming in cold creek isn't exactly the same kind of liberation it's as good as I'm gonna get. I have to be good for Matteo. While he's gone he can't help me, and I know he told me to stop so I have to. For him.

When I resurfaced I was surprised to see Victoria peering down at me. I gasped at her sudden appearance.

"Well hi there." I said swimming up to the shore and wringing my long red hair out.

"Hey Han! I missed you. I saw you running across the field and I called after you, but I guess you didn't hear me." She declared her bright blue eyes smiling at me.

I missed her too. A lot. She is my best friend after all. "I missed you Vic. I'm glad you chased after me. How've you been?" I asked as I walked over to put my shorts back on.

I usually didn't walk around so exposed in front of anyone, but she's known me for years, and we've showered together. This isn't anything new.

"Good...Really good actually." She said turning to look at me as I put my shirt on. "Alex and I are dating, despite what happened and we're super happy. I'm sorry I haven't told you, I've just been.. busy."

I smiled and hugged her. "Aw Vic! It's okay. I'm so happy for you." Was I though? Yes. I suppose so. I mean I have Matteo, and it's safe to say he's a much better man than Alex. Probably because Alex is only a boy.

She embraced me tightly and laughed. "Thank you! How have you been?" She asked, returning my previous question as she pulled away, a huge gaping smile across her beautiful face.

That is a good question. "Good. Busy with school." I said, which wasn't entirely a lie. But it also wasn't the truth. She doesn't need to know. In fact, she never needs to know.

"Oh. No boy drama?" She asked smirking.

I shook my head and laughed. "No Vic. Of course not." I admitted, smiling at her.

I spent a good rest of the afternoon with her just talking and laughing. Partly to avoid going home and facing my mother's wrath, but also because it truly was nice to catch up. I got home late enough that my mother was already doing whatever she occupies herself with in the evenings, so I took some dinner from the downstairs kitchen and went to my room. The rest of my evening was spent thinking about Matteo. Who else would it be about? I love him.