Honey and Scars

Matteo

‼️Trigger Warning⚠️ self harm. Please don't read if this makes you uncomfortable!! Stay safe loves. Your mental health matters.

Hello. I'm Hannah. As you probably know, or maybe you don't I hated talking. No seriously. I hated myself, and I hated everyone. As stupid as that sounds, something in me pushed everyone away, everyone but my parents, and Victoria, who was my closest friend, and probably the one only person to ever truly love me. I don't know what is wrong with me, or why I'm afraid of so many things, but until I met Mateo I was on the brink of ending it all.

It was the summer of 1985 June, at 11:45 am,
and I was sitting against the large cement fountain by the apple tree, drinking tea and reading Pride and Prejudice the extended version, when the peace and quiet of the water dripping, and birds chirping was interrupted by none other than Victoria running through the fields.

"An! An!" she called, nearly tripping in the tall grasses.

I looked up from my book and sighed, before letting a smile creep across my face. "What is it Vic?"

She plopped down next to me and smiled brightly. "So, you remember how I was telling you about how Alex was acting abnormal yesterday? Well! He rung the telephone and asked to go swimming later!"

She seemed so happy, and I really did want to be happy for her, but I couldn't. I hated that she was happy, and I was there hating myself. I pushed that all down and smiled, trying my best to be the good friend she deserves. "What? Really? That's splendid! I'm so happy for you Vic!" I said, faking a smile in hope she wouldn't catch on to my true feelings.

"Yes, yes!" She screamed, and jumped up bouncing around and singing. "will you help me get ready?" She asked, returning to the seat she had next to me.

"I cannot Vic, I'm sorry. I've actually got to go help mother with the orchard. Later perhaps?" I said, lying straight to her face. I didn't need to help mother with anything, I had lied, but I couldn't stand to help her get ready. Was I selfish? Absolutely. And did I care? No.

She sighed , and leaned down to hug me. "well, okay. I'll ring you later and tell you how it goes!" She said jumping up once more and running back towards the dirt road.

"Bye Vic!" I shouted out, my voice getting carried away by the wind.

I wanted to feel okay, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. Fuck, I hated everything, and I hated my life.

I sat on my bed, upstairs listening to the radio. The endless thoughts of cutting myself ran through my brain, because for the longest time that seemed the only solution to my self hatred. I looked over at my bedside table, and as much as I wanted to fight the urge I couldn't, I once again gave in. I took the metal sewing needle off my desk, and pulled up my long sleeved shirt. I had multiple deep scars all along the under side of my wrist. I dug the needle inside my skin, and bit my bottom lip before tears began to well in my eyes. As much as it hurt, it made me feel better, and I couldn't stop it. I made three long engravings, as I sobbed. I placed the needle back onto my desk, and pulled my sleeve back down. I laid down on my bed, and sighed, wiping my tears with my sleeve.

I fell asleep for a while, until I was woken up by the sound of my mother's voice calling from the bottom of the stairs. " Hannah, darling! Come downstairs will you?"

"Coming!" I yelled and sat up. I quickly put two braids in my hair, and flattened down my long shirt and jeans. I ran down the stairs to my mother.

"Yes?" I asked.

"This is Mateo. He'll be helping us for a while, and doing some chores." She said as a tall boy walked through the kitchen. He was beautiful, with black curls, and deep green eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Mateo." I said softly, looking down.

" Nice to meet you as well, Uhm..." He said, unsure as to what my name was.

"Hannah." My mother said, finishing his sentence for him.

"Yes, Hannah." He said, as he reached out to shake my hand.

I returned the gesture, and shook his cold hand back. I quickly pulled away, my eyes still fixated on the tile floor.

"Alright, well I uh, better get back to repairing that well." He declared, and nodded to my mother and I.

"Dinner will be served at 7! Don't be late!" My mother said, a smile across her beautiful face.

"Yes, Mrs. Barlow." he said, and scurried out of the kitchen.

My mother turned back to me. "So? What do you think?" she asked.

"He's alright." is all I said, quite unsure of what just happened.

"Just alright?" she nearly yelled. "Darling, he's sexy!"

I gasped! " Mother!" She was often like this. I mean she's rich, and her filter had expired long ago. What did she have to loose?

"Well, I am just saying. Look at him! Don't get any ideas though, I can't have you with him."

I sighed. " Trust me, I don't want a thing to do with him." I said, and turned on my heel, making my way towards the stairs.

I could hear her laugh. "You say that now!" She said in a singsongy voice. Little did I know how right she was.

I walked up the stairs, ignoring her last sentence. I didn't want a thing to do with no farm boy, thank you very much.

hello loves!! I hoped you enjoyed the first chapter! I am currently writing the next one, and I'm terribly sorry for the intense scenes of SH. there won't be much more... anyway! Get ready!! It's just getting started!💗💗