I Look In People's Windows

Chapter 5

TW/mentions of eating disorder

1989

It was December aka Christmas season. I used to love Christmas, maybe I still do deep down but I couldn't think of it without dread washing over me.

The thoughts of sweets and chocolates and cookies made me feel uneasy. Watching everyone else in the house drink hot chocolate and eggnog - I just felt nauseous. Everywhere I went, there were foods loaded with calories and I couldn't eat that without feeling sick.

It was freezing today. Rep and I were at the supermarket getting some things for dinner tonight. Our newest roommate Evermore, Folklore's sister, was moving in today. Taylor and her would be there by dinner so Rep and I had to shop for some ingredients. We walked through the store throwing things into the cart.

I felt really lightheaded since I hadn't eaten anything in three days but I could power through it. Besides I wasn't doing the cooking today so I'd have to eat at dinner or risk raising suspicion from Folklore. When Folklore moved in she almost caught me out but I learnt how to avoid her knowing anything. Eat something small here and there around her, say the right things and it was easy to reassure her. I felt bad about lying but I didn't have a choice.

My thoughts were interrupted by Rep speaking up. “Do you think she's gonna be like Folklore?”

“Oh, I don't know. Maybe. She said they did most things together so they might have common interests?”

None of us knew about Evermore until a few days ago. I was surprised Folklore didn't tell me about her sooner. I understood why she didn't tell me but I thought we talked about everything. Guess she had her secrets and I had mine.

“Hopefully they are alike. I love people who mind their own business. Speaking of which, I need to ask you something. Folklore tells you a lot of stuff, more than anyone else.”

The lights in the store were starting to feel very bright.

“Yeah.”

“And you two spend a lot of time together.”

It was getting harder to breathe. My head was starting to hurt and my eyes were closing but I could manage. I followed behind Rep as she threw more things in the grocery cart.

“Do you lik-”

My eyes closed, my steps faltered, I heard a shout and then nothing.

Folklore

My sister was going to move in today! It's been months without her but Evermore and Taylor were coming over for dinner later this evening. I was so excited to see her.

For a long time, she was my only friend and in a lot of ways, she's the only person who truly understands me. Keeping her a secret from everyone was really hard. There were a few times where I almost slipped, especially around 1989. After all, it was so easy to get lost in conversation with her. Being around her made me feel so happy. She was one of the main reasons why these past few months have been good.

Lover and I were baking a welcome cake and Rep and 1989 were out getting some stuff for dinner. Everyone else had a very detailed list of chores to do. Lover was very serious when it came to planning these kinds of things.

“Do we really need glitter in the icing?” My hands turned over the bottle of edible gold glitter.

“Yes. It'll look pretty. And besides, who doesn't love glitter?”

“Ugh.” I knocked over one of the small bottles of glitter that were varying shades of red, spilling it all over my left arm.

“Look, you're turning into a mirrorball.”