I Look In People's Windows

Chapter 9

TW/mentions of eating disorder

Folklore

The sun was still rising as the snow crunched beneath my boots. I pulled my coat around me tighter as I got closer to the lake which was frozen over. It didn't matter that it was freezing, that the cold seeped through my jacket and coat. It made me feel something other than sadness even if it was for a little while. I didn't care if the cold was so bad that it eventually turned numbing. It was better than how I felt lately.

Last night, Fearless said that I told her about 1989's problems which was a lie. The lie didn't upset me as much as the fact that 1989 believed her. I didn't know what to make of that. If I had been a better friend, than maybe she wouldn't have believed Fearless. Maybe she'd have seen the look in my eyes, seen how much I cared about her. Did I push her so far away that she didn't trust me at all anymore? But then, did my promises mean so little to her after all this time? Did she really think I'd let that slip to Fearless?

I didn't know what to think or what to do. Everything was so messy. Feelings were messy. I blamed myself for a lot of things when I was younger and I still do now. My inability to make friends, my constant overthinking, my horrendous social anxiety I had when I was younger. Eve told me it wasn't my fault but I knew it was. It was all my fault just like the state of my ruined friendship with 1989.

Sitting down on one of the large rocks, I stared at the trees in the distance. When I moved here, I didn't know what to expect. I was nervous to say the least but 1989 made life so much better. Being around her made me feel so happy. I wanted to talk to her again. But most of all, I just wanted her to be okay. I wanted her to open up to someone and get help because I cared about her.

The problem was that I didn't know how to make that happen. At this point, I don't think she wanted to say anything to me ever again. The hurt and betrayal in her eyes last night were hard to miss.

This lake is where I came to clear my head but I don't think that was going to work today. But maybe a day spent here around nature might calm my senses at the very least.

Fearless

I was losing my mind in this place. I've been stuck here for a couple days now and it didn't look like I was going to get out soon.

The last time I tried to argue with Holiday Collection and stand up for myself, I ended up getting beat up. My ribs were still sore from that but on the bright side, I wasn't tied to a chair constantly. My hands were still tied together but at least I was able to walk around this room. My attention turned to the door when I heard it opening.

“Up quite early today?”

“I don't like being asleep when you show up.”

“Afraid I might kill you?”

I didn't say anything to that but that was why I got up early. Holiday Collection had started showing up earlier than usual these past few days to bring me breakfast. I don't know why though.

“What's wrong Fe? Don't feel like talking today?”

“What do you want me to say? That I'm so happy to be here? That I enjoy being your prisoner while you ruin my friends lives?”

Her hand gripped my chin roughly, forcing me to meet her eyes. “I'd watch your tone or did you forget what happened last time?”

“No, I didn't forget.”

“Good. I didn't think so.” Her hand loosened on my chin but then it struck ths side of my face sending me reeling. “I think you needed a reminder anyway. Best to air on the side of caution. Now, take a seat. Eat. I have so many stories to tell you!”