SOLITUDE TO SOLACE

16.

The prejudice I made was the result of the consequences I faced

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Utkarsh zindal
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I don't like when I don't know what is happening around me.
I don't like to not be in control.
I am scared of unpredictability, yet when I choose this show I was excited, their was something I can not name but I know their was something that promise me to explore that fear. And I am really terrible at it, I can sense from the rising volume of Ashish sir that I am doing terrible. But how? And why? why am I the terrible one? It's strange, I have seen her act I know how natural she is, not perfect at showing emotions but her voice, they are just so delicate and  Detroit at the same time, I know when she gives her best and while working with me it wasn't. I just not know anything about Shayri or Aarvi how am I supposed to react? Their was different seems unknown but a wide difference and I am scared to work in this difference.

Acting was fun, it has always been, it came naturally to me it's just the crowd of show biz that I hate, but acting was something that was beloved to me and here I am escaping it, somebody just help me, a little bit anyway that can they do, I need help.

Again no matter how many times I look at Ashish sir, I can't spoke up those words, I can not ask for help, I was design and had raised myself like that. I just had responsibility and I had to be strong because I know I can not rely on another they all are wolf just wolf.

It was the time for shoot again, I left my vanity towards the set when I got to know my shoot for that particular scene is cancel and my scene with avni would be in next half an hour.

“Why?”

“She had some family emergency.”

“And you let her go? During the shoot?”

“Do you want to fight with people today? You know what take a break, we will be doing  the shoot tomorrow. Leave for house today.”

“Sir, why are you doing this? I had work with you before, I know how particular you're with punctuality. You never let anyone leave before the designated shoot of them, even if it's your star actor. So why now? I just want to ask a question, you were never generous with me like that so why with her?”

“If you would've ever asked me for the leave like she did, I will definitely grant you the permission. And Utkarsh  you can leave for today. I don't think you're in right mind for shoot today.”

“You don't have to worry about my well being. Get the set ready, I will be ready for the next shoot.”

*****

Wow, even now people are going to say that she is not getting favoured by the director and producer of the set? She left midway, coming back with a freaking dog and everyone have no problem with it? Wow he give her leave to come with a dog? But he couldn't give me the leave for meeting my sister after three freaking months?

Fuck, why I am so angry? I am the utkarsh zindal, I have lived the life of acting I don't get angry for silly reasons. I am neither angry at the guy who comes whenever he want because he is apparantly the producer of the show, and I am definitely not angry with her coming with a dog. It's just feel so unfair, to the people who are putting soo much of their thoughts, their time, their abilities and people are not even considerate about it. How can they be so unserious? Here it takes almost a day and we did not even complete three nice scene.