SOLITUDE TO SOLACE

5.

Stranger Danger

~~~~~~~
Some people came in our
Life in dark shadow
But became the reason
Of our light
~~~~~~~

Raiden

Feelings are complicated, so I prefer numbness. Whenever I go back that Mansion and find it vacant it feel like that again. And That feeling, that shouting, that anger and The BLOOD and again that numbness. STILLNESS everything after that feel numb. When I see people taking them away I want to cry, I want to shout, I want to say to wake up, I want to run just like Craze was doing but all I feel nothing.

Marcus remind me my biggest fear and I don't want him in my life. I know it

It's always feeling that is beholded
Your insecurities just let you never get ahead
Their will be people still left for you
Just holding the past to be part in your future
And I wish I will be on top.

I am not giving up on you, but I start trembling too Ray.

I hate myself for this. Reading the email again typing a reply only to cut it. No Marcus I am sorry but I don't want you. As I am thinking about him I feel a hand on my shoulder to break my haze. Their's a girl would be in her starting twenties she is good looking but the excessive amount of make up is not letting that be seen. Her eyes are glossy, heavely make up but they had seduction in them when she start encircling her arms around my neck. I back out, Considering the sober me. Ok I just take 3shots so I am. But I don't want to be someone rebound sex or get myself in scandals.

I leave the bar stool, standing in between the crowd of dancing guy I feel good. These crowd is a good thing. They all are pretending to be happy. Some feel rebel, some feel hesitate, some thinks to loose for a day and every fake things they can think in the mist of nothingness. It feels good that I am not alone, trying to be happy, pretending I am top of the world.

Maybe I am, afterall this life is indeed a classic thing anyone can ask. Having money, enough for seven and more generation. Having millions of Instagram followers. Value for life, a big house with numerous cars and bike. Ofcourse everything someone dream for. But does it feel enough? I don't know why Not. Maybe because you take that Feeling with me. You take everything from me with you. I wish I could just hate you both for leaving me. I wish I could love NANU for Being with me when you sure can't. But I feel nothing. Neither hate nor love.

Maybe I do need to go for therapy, but they'll also only help when I want them. And strangely I don't want it. I just want to move with time. I do just want to go and Act, because that only make me feel nice. Pretending is the best and most convenient thing in life. I want it, I love it.

I leave the club after sometime, leaving for that place again. The vacant mansion. I don't know the idea of open AASHIYAN is a going to be that hectic. Ok being Honest I don't have to work, people are their for it. Still it feels nice to think something is in progress something much more beautiful as mine. I am really looking forward for it.

I was driving, no I am sober up I even drink lemonade. I am not drunk driving. Just than I see Something. It was like flicker of imagination. But while reversing the car I see it. A girl walking alone on the deserted road with three four eve teasers following her. The rational side of my brain is telling me to ignore and move forward. It's nothing to do with me, if I got involved it may arise a big scandal. In this industry everything we do is like entertainment for people. It's not just our work but even our personal life, our hobbies, home everything have been surrounded by scruntize eyes of people.