The last time she had shown up at his door, it was just like every other time Aakash had hurt her. But that night was different. The image of her standing in front of his house, frantically ringing the bell, flooded back into his mind. He could still see her, shivering despite the warm night air, her face streaked with tears, her shoulders trembling. She hadn't even said anything when he opened the door—just launched herself into his arms, clinging to him like he was the only solid thing left in her world.
He had carried her inside, her sobs shaking her small frame as she buried her face into his chest. He could feel her heart breaking with each tear, and it killed him that he couldn't do anything more than just hold her. Once they were inside, he gently set her down on the couch, rushing to get one of his old, oversized t-shirts for her to change into. It was one of those soft, worn ones he only wore around the house—comfortable, familiar.
Srinika had slipped into it without saying much, her mind clearly elsewhere, lost in the storm of her emotions. He had made her instant noodles—because that was the only thing he knew how to make —and handed her the steaming bowl, sitting down beside her. She'd barely touched the food, though. Instead, she just sat there, tears rolling down her cheeks, barely able to breathe between sobs.
Dev had found himself gently lifting the tissue to her nose every few minutes, coaxing her to blow into it as she kept breaking down, wave after wave of pain overwhelming her. And all the while, as she crumbled before him, all he wanted was to get his hands on Aakash and tear him apart for what he'd done—again. But that wouldn't help her. All she wanted, all she ever wanted, was for Aakash to choose her, to accept her.
It drove Dev crazy. He didn't get it. He never understood what it was about Aakash that had such a hold on her. Was it his looks? His money? His smooth-talking charm? What did Aakash have that he didn't? He had asked himself this question a thousand times, and the answer never came. Why wasn't he ever enough? Why was it never him?
He had been there for her in ways that Aakash never was, and yet, she always ran back to that guy. It tore him apart to watch her get hurt again and again, knowing he could do better, knowing that he would have cherished her. But she never saw him like that.
That night, after she had cried herself out, Srinika had crawled closer to him again, the t-shirt hanging loosely off her as she slid into his side. She nestled her face into the crook of his neck, her breath shaky against his skin. And then she'd said it—those words that had crushed him in ways she could never imagine.
"If he ever leaves for good, if I have no one left to live my life with, will you marry me?"
The words had been muffled, soft, but they hit him like a ton of bricks. His heart had skipped a beat, not in excitement, but in pain. She didn't mean it. Not really. She wasn't asking him because she loved him. She was asking him because he was safe. Because he was her last resort.
She continued, her voice still drowsy and slurred from exhaustion. "We'll stay together... I'll be a good roommate, I promise. We'll play games, have fun. You can teach me business stuff, and I swear I won't bore you with biology."
Dev had smiled at that, but it was the kind of smile that barely reached his lips. His heart had shattered in that moment. He knew she wasn't serious, that she was just lost in her pain, trying to find something, anything, to hold on to. But it was cruel, unintentionally cruel, because she had no idea what it did to him.
He had promised her anyway. Because that's what she needed—comfort, reassurance. He had whispered, "Of course, Sri. I'll always be here for you."
But as the words left his mouth, he felt like a fraud. He wasn't just offering her a shoulder to cry on. He was offering her his whole heart, even though she didn't want it. Not really.
And now, years later, he was still that man—the man who had become the backup plan for the woman he loved. The man who stood in the shadows, watching as she ran back to Aakash, time and time again, never once considering him as anything more than her best friend. He was the one who friends started to joke about, whispering that maybe he was gay because he turned down every girl who showed interest. No one ever understood that he wasn't rejecting them because he wasn't interested in women. He was rejecting them because the only woman he had ever wanted never asked him.
And he never asked her either.
Because deep down, he knew the truth. She was never going to be his. Not by her own will.
~.~
To be continued
YOU ARE READING
DEV(i)
Romance"What can I say? I missed the rain. Plus, you came to rescue me, so it's all good." Dev mocked a scowl. "You're unbelievable. Next time, bring an umbrella." She stuck out her tongue. "But then you wouldn't have a reason to come save me." He rolled h...
