Glassheart but realistic

Part 10 - curiosity

Red pov:

I walked to the room I had to meet my councilor in. I gently knocked.

Councilor: Come in.

So I opened the door. And saw a woman with pink ish purple hair. She looked about mals age.

Councilor: Come sit Red, right on the couch here, please.

I slowly walked over and sat on the couch with a proper posture gently, rubbing my fingers together in nervousness. Nibbling on my inner cheek in silence, avoiding all eye contact with the woman right in front of me.

Councilor: Hello Red, my name is Audrey, and I'll be your councilor.

Audrey: Is this your first session with a professional? You seem awfully stiff.

I nodded, still avoiding her eyes.

Audrey: Well, there's no need to be nervous, I'm here to help.  I was told you might have a piece of paper from Evie, am I right?

Red: Oh right, here.

I handed her the paper. She unfolds it and reads the list. I can hear her quietly reading them softly.

Audrey: It looks like you have a lot of things we have to work on. Do you know which one you would like to start about first?

I thought deeply as to which ones I was most comfortable sharing with first. I knew which one I was most desperate to fix, but... idk if I'm ready yet. After another moment of silence, I finally got the courage to speak.

Red: I would like to know what I feel. Ever since we came back, I've been an emotional mess...

I sigh as I smirk.

Red: I keep having these feelings. I don't know what they even are. Half the time I can't even tell if it's supposed to be a good or bad one. I'm so, so used to masking to protect myself that now that I'm actually allowed to feel, it's been very overwhelming.

Audrey: And how many of these new emotions do you think you've been experiencing since you cane back?

I had to think for a moment since most of them felt quite similar to each other and was hard to distinguish.

Red: um well... maybe 5? I think one of them is anxiety. One is fear, sadness, and 2 others. I have no idea what they are. I can't even describe it.

How is she supposed to fix me if I can't even describe what I'm feeling. This is already feeling hopeless.

Audrey: ok, so mostly negative from what I can tell. All of which are perfectly normal.

Red: Why does my emotion feel so strong yet so hollow inside of me?

I finally looked into her eyes. Looking with deep concern.

Audrey: it's hollow because it looks like you're avoiding it. Your body wants you to feel it so badly, but I think you're fighting with your subconscious. You don't like having feelings, don't you?

Red: I've rarely ever been allowed to have any. Even when alone, only a few were able to spark.

Audrey: Which ones?

Red: just the basic ones like sadness, happiness, frustration. But most were only temporary. After a while, I'd go right back to feeling numb or empty.

Audrey: Well, you know a few, which is good. And know how to express them. But I'm gonna take a guess  and say it's a new emotion? One you've only recently started feeling?

I nodded.

Audrey: Great, we have a lead now.

Red: a lead?