CAIO.
It was the dusk of the morning while I rode in silence, music about love playing on the radio, half asleep and craving a high that drugs couldn't give me. But love. I knitted my eyebrows with frustration, my mind going a mile a minute. When I turned into the parking lot I felt at home—even if it wasn't mine. Anywhere that he was became home. Sending an iMessage before shutting off my car and climbing the cases of stairs towards his apartment. As I came towards the door he opened it with sleepy eyes and sweats hanging off of him, "Hi." I mumbled bashfully as he smirked slowly.
Following him inside of his studio apartment while he sauntered around. "It's late, even for you." The moonlight landed on his skin, highlighting all of the things I loved about him.
"I'm sorry." I pulled off my hoodie. "Novs, needed me."
"You good?"
"Yeah." I lowly spoke letting myself into his studio apartment, my arms linked around his waist hugging him tightly. He rubbed the back of my head and kissed the corner of my lips. "I just wanna sleep...with you in the same bed and to just be held."
"Ok." Noah spoke soft—as he often did. We landed in his full size bed and I don't think I would've had a quarter of this confidence if it wasn't due to liquid courage.
I hadn't realized I dozed off until my phone was aggressively vibrating against his windowsill, groaning and shifting around the bed until my fingers grasped the cold iPhone. The screen blinding me as I seen that Nova left 12 messages and called. "On God, you better be dying." Noah groaned and draped his arm around my waist.
"What was that? You fucking somebody?" She gasped.
"Nah, what the hell you want? It's too damn early—I just left you-"
"I know, I'm sorry. I can't sleep. And Noel came over, she's sleeping in my bed now." Exhaling sharply and scratching the back of my head.
"Is Nana there?"
"She's asleep."
"Ok."
"I just..." She grew coldly silent.
"Give me ten, okay?"
"I love you, Caio."
"I love you too." I ended the call and released a suppressed sigh.
"Everything okay?"
"When is it ever?"
"Oh...you know she's a big girl, right? I know things are tough when you aren't around but you can't always be there to save her." I know.
"She's family, I don't expect you to know shit about that."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Noah sat up in the bed.
I shrugged it off while grabbing my gray sweats off the floor.
"Take it how you want."
"That's real fucking rich, Caio-"
"I take care of mine. Nova is blood. So if she calls I'm running to fix the situation."
"And when you can't fucking fix it then?"
"That's not gon happen."
"I'm just saying...you're killing yourself protecting her and always—"
"Is that how you feel?" Noah glanced away. "Wow. At the end of the day she's got a spot you can't take away."
"You're misinterpreting this whole-" I slammed the door behind me, jogging down the stairs towards my car.
It was officially the morning of Nova's birthday when I pulled into the driveway. Sending her a text that I was outside as Drake' Ratchet Happy Birthday softly played in the background, she quickly came out, locking the door behind her. She climbed in, hugging me tightly, "Thankyou."
"It's your fucking birthday," I sang off-key along with Drake as she goofily grinned.
"So as my first gift to you. Check the glovebox," She squinted at me before opening it and pulling out a backwood.
"Fuck yes, it's been like weeks." She rummaged through my cupholder for a lighter and ignited it quickly with confidence. I found a vacant lot where we hotboxed and complained about our fucked childhood.
"I just wish she was around more...I'm pretty sure I'm unaware of what real love feels like because of her."
"Damn."
"I mean, don't get me around I know you'd do anything for me and you love me but at the end of the day. No matter how hard you try you or no one can fill that void. Same for you." She coughed softly before passing over the backwood.
Tension rose in the car and I had to divert the conversation. "What's with you and this Jahmeel dude?"
"Jahani. I don't know—he's hard to read, doesn't express his feelings and is just distant."
"Not everyone's willing to just put it all out there like you." She sucked her teeth. "It's a good thing, to an extent, you're not afraid of being vulnerable when you feel need to be and are ready."
"I just wanna know what the fuck we're doing—so I'm not just over here wasting my time."
"I mean, what y'all done did?" I widened my eyes.
"Nothing like that but I've let my walls down. Let him in. Not necessarily that it has to be a relationship just some fucking clarification would be nice. We've been doing this high school game for the past month and a half."
"Communicate that."
"I guess."
It grew silent between us awhile and out of pure impulse I blurted out, "I'm gay."
"I know."
"What?" I knitted my eyebrows and Novs smiled slightly.
"I've always kinda known, especially when we were younger. At first I just thought you and Noah were just close like that but nobody looks at somebody the way you guys do if they're not in love with them." I smiled slightly.
"Why haven't you ever said anything?"
"I knew when you were ready you would tell me."
