This lowkey kinda sucked but two chapters in a day.
JAHANI.
Even if Nova hadn't been between my sheets that didn't mean by bed was empty. I was laid up with three bad bitches. Depression, anxiety and self-hatred all with me in the wee hours of the morning. Glaring over at the time on my phone, that was too bright for my exhausted eyes, it read 2:24 am. As well as that my phone hadn't been charging the whole time it'd been on the charger. Rolling over in the springy mattress to face the blank wall of my dorm room, sighing heavily as thoughts I'd do anything to push out of my mind made theirselves welcomed. Nova hates me. She didn't have to say it, text it or rant it. Internally I knew, I shouldn't ever got attached to her the way I did.
So used to changing hoes out like clothes-but that wasn't Nova. Not once did she switch up on me. But I did. Sitting up against the metal headboard to allow my eyes to focus on the night. Taking in the few things I could remember like the campus-provided desk against the wall piled with overpriced textbooks, my charging laptop and a small lamp that's bulb needed to be replaced. Scattered along the flat carpet was laundry I'd been too lazy to simply put on hangers or in the drawers. Glancing at the empty bed on the other end of the bedroom to see it was tidied up to perfection-since it was a rare occasion that my roommate actually stayed in the room. If he did he was coming in, drunk or stoned, as I was leaving for my first morning class.
Just as I was going to hop down off of the bed the door flew open and raucous laughter filled the room, along with stumbles and groans. "Shit!" Cade, the slacking roommate, shrieked knocking over what sounded to be the variety pack of chips from atop the bookshelf. Watching him with a mug as he staggered through the room, feeling around for furniture to get towards his bed. Deciding to assist him towards his bed as he plopped, exhaling a sigh of relief. "Thanks man," He chuckled, heartedly. I shrugged it off, pulling on Nike sweats that were on the ground from earlier and slinging my backpack onto my shoulder.
There'd been no way I was going to go back to sleep so I decided to just go to the library or lounge, whichever had been open this early, to cram in a few hours of unnecessary studying. Not that it was a priority but I craved for something to distract me. Thankfully the lounge had been open and only three other unfamiliar faces were in there, two people were in front of the TV trying to fix something with it arguing back and forth while another girl sat quietly behind her laptop, music blaring from her headphones. I could faintly hear the chorus to Daniel Caesar' Get you, I only knew of it from Nova always blaring it around the house or softly singing it to me in a soul-filled acapella. Fuck, now she's going to invade every waking thought.
My eyes met with the blank, dark brown orbs of the female with the blaring music, she arched her eyebrow towards me. Shaking my head as I admired the curly hair that was sporadically on top of her head, a few pieces hanging in her baby face. The radiating glow in her dark pigment. She rolled her eyes and turned back towards the laptop where she tapped lightly on the space button-gathering her thoughts I assumed. Shuffling my way towards one of the empty circle tables to drop my bag and open my laptop. She was pretty. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion of why I was thinking of other females when it hasn't even been twenty-four hours since I've broken up with Nova. Is that why I did it?, I questioned myself. Reevaluating everything up to this point.
Was the whole reason I ended things with Nova was because I wanted to see other people? Widen my horizon and relieve the guilt of seeking other females that weren't her. Risking the fact that they weren't down for me, dropping a dime for some change. Rubbing my hands over my face and the tips of my fingers through my outgrown hair-that I had no desire to cut because I was liking how it was doing it's own thing and somehow suit me. In the midst of my internal breakdown a soft voice jerked me from the inner demons,"Hey, do you have a pencil?" Glossy lips spoke smoothly, slow and I once again met her brown orbs. They weren't a usual dark, nearly black brown. They'd been almost grayish.
"Uh...yeah," I cleared my throat, unzipping my pouch before handing over a mechanical Bic pencil.
"Thanks." She nodded towards me quietly, backing towards her seat but something stopped her and she opened her lips again. Which she shouldn't have because the last thing I wanted was conversation.
"Are you okay? You just look like..your having a rough night, I mean who isn't that's in college but--"
"I'm fine." I quickly blurted, not looking up at her while I booted my computer up.
"Ok..." She dragged out before walking back towards her seat, I didn't fail to glance up at her backside. Sighing softly as I dropped my attention back to my computer and scrolled through unfinished assignments that's deadlines were coming up in the next few weeks.
Throughout the time of me desperately trying to grasp on some kind of healing I spared her some short glances. Observing what was on her laptop screen, I assumed she was some kind of art student, by the way she sketched in the notepad on her right hand and configured things on her laptop. Periodically going back and forth. From what I seen she was talented. For my own work as far as I got was typing up a paper of how I'm mentally losing it-it wasn't a requirement for any of my classes but I decided against deleting it because I'd already spent an hour and a half typing it up. Somehow I thought that may be a cure for these man verse himself feelings but it didn't. In the corner of my laptop it was going on four in the morning and I internally groaned.
The girl gathered her things and walked towards me to hand back my pencil,"Thanks again." I stood along with her as we let ourselves out of the lounge. Awkwardly walking beside one another because we'd been heading in the same direction,"I've never seen you on campus before."
"There's a lot of people, I tend to hide out in the crowds." I shrugged, along with the fact that I didn't often go to parties or school functions.
"Oh," She nodded as if that answered all of the questions in her head. "Your first year?"
"Yeah." I answered blandly, not exactly wanting to go back to my dorm. At least not alone. Back to Marcus' shit, a place where I was damned to lose my mind and go crazy.
Something went off on my head that made the next thought spill from my lips aloud,"You wanna fuck?" She turned towards me, arching her thickly drawn-on eyebrows, baffled by my question.
"Wh-what?"
"I asked...if you wanted to fuck. You don't have to agree but--"
"This your hall?" She rubbed her glossy lips together, sighing softly. Blinking away the shock that settled in before leading her towards my dorm, no words were exchanged as we got there or anything. But once we got to the door I took the initiative to brush her soft hair from her face and bring her lips towards mine, kissing softly and sensually.
A soft moan left her lips. I didn't even know her name. The kiss grew more and more heated, causing my member to stiffen in my sweats and me to fiddle with the knob of the door. Backing into the room with my hands still on her face, kissing liking the world was going to come to an end, like a desperate virgin about to lose their virginity. Her cold hands worked their way under my hoodie against my naked body, until my hoodie met the pile of laundry on the floor.
Turning so that her back was against my bed, placing one of my legs between hers that were slightly open as she fell back on the bed. Not pulling her lips from mine. That's when I felt something. Quickly jerking away from her body as I glanced down between her legs to realize the same thing that swung between my legs, lied between hers too. "What the fuck?" I yelled louder and harsher than I expected it to come out.
Clearly she didn't have anything to say as she scurried to her own defense,"You was going to try and fuck on me knowing you got a fucking-that you a nigga!"
"I-I...you wanted to fuck!" She defensively argued.
"Because I thought that you were a she!" Holding my head and the blinding lights came on making me slit my eyes towards Cade, who was standing there confused, the one time you wanna be in the room this shit goes down.
"Well," She simply shrugged as if it hadn't been nothing. Running a hand down my face as I breathed out heavily, all I seen was red and didn't want to take my rage out on her/him because I didn't know the capability of my anger.
"Get the fuck out!" My words sliced through the air like a gunshot as she dashed out of the room. I roughly wiped my lips with the back of my hand and exhaled roughly.
"What just happened?" Cade asked, a smirk on his face as I waved him away.
