35|REVENGE.

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JAHANI.

"You don't look so happy to see me," I smirked while watching Nova past me and retrieve her keys from her mini backpack, not forgetting to roll her eyes in the process with some obscenities mumbled under her breath, I grabbed her wrist. "Can we talk?" She glared down at me, pain struck in her eyes but self-resentment rushed through me.
"I'd rather not," Nova mumbled softly but I still heard it clear as the day.
"How come? I know your mad at me--"
"Mad is taking it lightly," She scoffed, putting her key in the knob and twisting.

Standing from the ground of the hallway while attempting to make eye contact with her, she licked over her lips slowly and that's when I realized the redness in her lips. Letting me know she was kissing somebody. My heart sunk to my Adidas slides as I could only see red,"So that's what we're doing now?" My voice coming out harsher and cracked as I grew louder, I felt the irritation radiate off of my body.
"What're you talking about?" Acting oblivious to what I was saying.

"You already jumped to another motherfucker, it's been a week." Nova sighed, annoyed.
"Goodbye." She opened her door to walk in but before it could close in my face I barged inside.

"I don't understand it! You upset about us ending shit with one another but you was mad quick to let another nigga be up on ya!" Insecurities flew from my drunken lips, all slight control I had over myself were being masked by the alcohol and drugs.
"What was I supposed to do?" She turned towards me, slitting her eyes at me like an angry cat. "Sit around and mope about you, be a little pussy bitch like you, hm?"

Quicker than my mind could wrap around what I was doing my hand had tightly clenched her throat,"Keep fucking playing with me." I gritted. Watching shock settle in her face as I slammed her weak body against the wall, hovering over her,"Who else going to make you cum like me, hm?" Forcing one of my hands in her tight jeans as she grunted, squirming against the wall. Hurt her like she hurt you, they told me.

"J-Ja-Jah--" Nova weakly choked out before I dropped her to the ground, coldly glaring at her as she gagged, rubbing her sore throat.
"Fucking bitch," I spat, pacing the room. "Fuck!" I exclaimed, banging my fist against the wall. I was losing my mind. The room began slowly spinning while I attempted to gain my balance in pacing the room slowly.

"Go home, Jahani." Weakly she said, standing a few feet away from me.
"What fucking home, Novs?" Nova sighed, tears cascading down her cheeks as she ran her fingers through her hair frustratedly. "I want to know who was so easy to replace me! Baby, I'm irreplaceable...what we had you can't rid of. You won't ever find someone who loves you like I did." I gripped her face by her jaw, staring her dead in the eye. Trembling beneath my touch, fear in her eyes and for the moment I felt superior but internally I was screaming for myself to stop.

Nova yanked away from me, wiping her face with her arm, sobbing hard. "What in the hell is wrong with you, Jahani?" The way she said my name temporarily struck something inside of me that wasn't like the other times she'd say it-not full of love, passion and admiration but with worry and disgust.

Hunching my shoulders words couldn't string together the war going on in my mind,"I-I...I put my faith into all of this, what we had and now I just don't give a fuck anymore because it's ruined." The neglect, terror and pain was all resurfacing. Twenty years I spent bottling in every emotion that I've ever mustered up to have it all vomit into some terrifying shit.

Nova remained silent, the blood that'd been dripping from her nose drying up around it. I did that? "You were always there. I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn't love myself." Truth left my lips and kept the room silent. A dial tone of silence. "But that wasn't enough for me, to know that somebody unconditionally loved me without getting shit out of me--it scared me shitless and I pushed you out." I hunched my shoulders, feeling the tears stream down my face. "I wanted to love you half as much as you loved me but I couldn't...something just didn't allow me to."

A soft sigh left her lips followed my a sniffle,"I think you should go." Blankly staring at the wooden floors, the sound of her feet shuffling against the floors and soft cries leaving her body. Looking up to find her standing by the island, pulling herself together.
"I just wanna talk to you. I need to talk to you, Novs." I pleaded, tears rushing down my face now.
"Please, Jahani, just leave." She spoke softly but sternly. I couldn't help but to chuckle which turned into uncontrollable sobs.

"Wh-what about my pain?" I stuttered through tears streaming down my face leaving my body shaking. Sauntering towards her, calmly and she jumped when my hands reached out towards her. To only tightly wrap around her waist and rest my head against her chest, sobbing heavily. "I can't do this shit without you." Soft crying left her as well and for that moment I felt like I wasn't alone. Until she lightly spoke,"We can't keep doing this to ourselves."  Stiffening up and feeling my heart sink even deeper.

"Okay," Wiping my face off with the back of my hand, blinking away the tears that only seemed to make my eyes even more swollen. Nova silently watched me, placing her hands on her hip while I reached for my phone on the counter behind her,"I love you, Novs."  She seemingly squirmed in discomfort at my choice of words before tucking her lips, raising my eyebrows and scoffing lightly.

"Bet."

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