Crazy? [MOONKNIGHTXREADER]

Chapter 14

You stood before the urn that held your best friend's ashes, eyes still puffy and lips chapped from crying. The old house your parents used to live in was still owned by them, even if they didn't go there very often anymore. All of the things you left behind for university were still there, too.

"Hey, Ben." You began, laughing at yourself. "It's nice to see you again. Sorry it took me so long to come back. Been busy chasing my dreams, I suppose." You offered the pot that beheld his name a sad smile, the overcast sun shining down on you glaringly. You remembered how you had decided to leave him in the garden so you could hang out with him while you studied in New York. Now the garden was somewhat overgrown from a lack of care. You took a seat, placing a few orange and yellow tulips on the table beside the urn. "I got your favorite flowers. I bet you're surprised I remembered, but I did." You sighed. "Even with all the important stuff I forgot, I remembered the little things." You bowed your head. "Mostly." You admitted, trying to maintain the smile on your face as your lower lip began to wobble again.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've come to see you," you sobbed, sniffling as you tried to wipe your tears before they fell. "I know you wouldn't want me here, crying and apologizing." A pathetic bout of laughter escaped you as you spoke. "But I can't help but be a little apologetic. I haven't been able to talk to you about what's happened- and so much has happened." You told him, hanging your head before the urn. "I wish I had brought some of you with me to Europe. I should have. You would've liked it there." A moment of silence passed, wind rustling the trees and tall grass and wildflowers. "I'm sorry," You repeated, not entirely sure what you were apologizing for at this point. Perhaps you were sorry for crying. Sorry for coming. Sorry for letting him die. A part of you berated you, screaming at you that it was your fault.

Your therapist knows it wasn't. The police know it wasn't. You know it wasn't. And yet the nagging voice in your head wouldn't stop. Why did it have to come back now? You weren't in Portland. You'd gone through therapy, you had healed. Why now? Why the handcuffs? And why, why did the voice always have to sound like him?

"Is that really what you think?"

You shot up, looking around. It was someone's thoughts- you could tell that much. But there was noone around you. Along with that, the voice sounded eerily familiar. It was so hauntingly similar to the voice of the boy whose ashes you sat beside. "B-Ben?" You whispered, unsure if you were simply hearing voices. "Mi sol," you could hear the smile in his voice. "You're lucky my ashes are here. But that's thanks to you, isn't it?" You heard his chuckle- while it was always playful and teasing, at times it could be oh so endearing. This was one of those times. "You're the reason why I was able to have a piece of myself here, with you and your family."

If it was truly him- which a part of you truly wanted it to be, and from what it sounded like, it was- he was right. You had made sure he got a proper burial- even if it was a cremation. Nothing too fancy, but he at the very least got a resting place and a funeral in Portland. But you got some of his ashes so you could visit him, even if it was just a part of him, while you were away from Portland. A part of you considered wearing a necklace with his ashes, but you didn't want to. You felt like it would hurt too much. It was a small urn he rested in. Honestly, that was all you could ask for, and your parents helped provide. It's something you will never forget, and will forever be grateful for. Even if your parents had their moments of making deals with men they shouldn't.

"Ben," you whispered, the name falling from your lips as softly as dew drops glided down your cheeks. "Ben," you repeated again, lips curling into a rueful smile, only to wobble and form a grieving scowl. "I'm so sorry." Crying, you apologized, bowing before the pot. You could feel his furrowed brow and disappointed gaze. "Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to be sorry for. I got myself into that mess. You just tried to get me out like you always did. I just... dove too deep, you know?" You hiccupped, wiping the tears from your face and sniffling. Still, more came. "Mi sol," Ben began, speaking softly a sadly. "Don't tell me you stopped shining just because of me?" You felt a hand press against you cheek. You looked up to see him, sitting beside you with a saddened expression. You stared at him with wide eyes, a trembling hand reaching up to take his, holding it tightly. There was no warmth, only a shell of what felt like solid vapor.