Love beyond the game(MusialaxWirtz)

Your name hurts

Jamal's view point

It's been pretty much a week since our break up and u still feel like crap. I have been living with Thomas and Lisa for the past week and they have been very supportive but it was time to be on my own. I gotta go find myself my own apartment. I still had my stuff in our shared one and that was going to change today.

I thanked Thomas and Lisa for their hospitality and packed up my things. I was in München now. I quickly rang up my agent and asked her where to meet.

After three apartments I had finally found the one. It was perfect two bedrooms, two bathrooms and huge living room with kitchen with a marble kitchen island. The closets where walk in a the whole apartment had an electric system which turns on and off the lights to your personal liking, it also controlled music and was made to make living more convenient. The apartment was up for sale for 2,6million which was quite some money but still a good deal for this area and this amount of space.

After the deal was completed it was time to refurnish. He didn't want the furniture from their shared apartment, it would remind him of the past and it was time to move on, not look back.

As I was waiting for Joshua,Manuel,Thomas,Lisa and Leroy to finally I arrived I got a notification. It was from my sister. She wanted to come over and spend some time with me and Florian. Shit I had forgotten to tell her. Normally I would have blown her off but I missed her, and I didn't want her to be sad. So I just told her I had moved and informed her of my new address.

They all finally arrived and we split up. Lisa,Leroy and me went furniture shopping and the rest cleaned the apartment. I decided to go for a more of an old money type of vibe. Keeping everything simple and calm. The most was white with some hints of color. When we were done setting everything up the apartment looked exactly how I would have wanted it to look like.

After some time they all left and it was just me and my new apartment. I knew I would see them all tomorrow morning at practice but honestly it was kind of weird being all alone in an apartment. I have never lived alone before and I wasn't quite ready yet but what had to had to. I turned on the news and drank a glass of cold milk. The news was sad, it was shocking what was happening in Germany at the moment and it enraged me. To calm myself down I put on Netflix and started watching Outer Banks. I hadn't watched it yet and was quite sure that it wouldn't live up to the hype but I had time and nothing better to do so why not.

But it bored me and I took up my phone and couldn't help but check Florian's chat. Nothing he didn't even read it. It's been a week and like 10 messages and none opened and no calls returned. I know I am making myself look desperate and that statistically this is a very stupid move but it doesn't matter, I want Flo back I want my Flo to come back please.

But no he's probably in Spain with some hot chick living his best life playing football and attending parties after parties or going to the beach in his free time. All that while I sit here depressed thinking about him, about our time. I shouldn't blame him I know but there is no one else who I could blame and I have to blame someone. I simply have to.

Was it all fake? All our time did he just act because he was bored or was he using me?

I used to dream that one day we'd live in a nice big country house raise two kids, one boy and one girl and be happy. We could have chickens horses and Joshua could help us with the garden but that had evaporated into thin air.

We were simply two humans living in two different countries playing on the same national team. That was it no relation what so ever. I simply hope he didn't completely forget about us yet.

With that I got ready for bed and continued my sad book. I am loving the way the writers are able to portray the characters emotions through words, allowing me to experience with them weather it's sad or happy emotions.

As I take my pills to sleep I rethink my life. What if I had gone to England would we still have been together? I doesn't change anything I know but Atleast in my mind I can act as if none of this ever happened. As I start drifting into a deeper sleeping state I dream about Flo. I hate these dreams but I also love them because for I short time I really think he's here, here with me. He's not though and that's the sad part. Waking up alone, eating alone, coming home and no one being there and most importantly no one else being happy for your wins.

Even though he made me feel types of grief I had never even known about before I simply see how much I had loved him. You know you really love someone when you don't hate them for breaking your heart. I had read that in a book once when I was younger and thought it had been completely bullshit but as I mature, I get it. It's absolutely true, Flo hurt me but would I take him back? Yes any day. I love him and probably always will. It's one sided love I know that now.

It still hurts hearing his name,seeing him play, seeing him laughing  it all hurts and it probably always will. I think I'll miss you forever my Florian Wirtz.