Facade - Jacob Elordi

twenty-five

Jacob Elordi

"Where's Charlotte?" I asked Wes as I raised up from the couch. Her warm, small body not beside me anymore. I didn't plan on asking her to stay last night, but it just happened. It felt right and I wanted to. By the looks of it, she did too. My hands rubbed my swollen eyes as I smelled her scent on my person. She smelled so vibrant, delicious. The key notes were violet, powder and musk. I could lay here all day smelling her scent and be content. Hating admitting that to myself, I shook my head to clear my head as I got my bearings back after a perfect slumber.

"What's with you two?" Wesley came out of the gate defensive. He seemed angry.

"We fell asleep watching a movie," I responded, confused why he was so interested. Wesley didn't need to know I initiated her sleeping with me. Quite frankly, he doesn't need to know a single thing about us. Hell, I don't even know what I would tell him. I don't know myself.

"Jacob, you know you can't be doing this," He warned.

"I don't care. Something in me wants to protect her til the end of time. I'm the reason she's in this mess. I have to clean it up," I admitted, feeling a spout of guilt. This has never happened before and I don't know how to handle it.

"It's not how it's supposed to be, though. Barry is the only one smart for not getting attached," He sighed.

"You're ripping into my ass, but you're doing the same thing. You guys seem close and she really cares for you, Wes. What have we done?" I said putting my head in my hands.

We fucked up.

"Life sucks, we know that. It's just another job. She's no different. We have to get that through our thick skulls. I'm right there with you, but now it's getting dangerous."

"But she is," I whispered, hard for me to say it with my chest. She's got her hooks in me deep. Wesley hasn't seen me like this in forever. He's the only one who would understand how I feel.

"This business isn't for relationships— friends or more. We got too comfortable at the beginning, but you're taking it too far," Wesley barked at me.

"Fuck off. Nothing is happening to her," I said, fists clenched at the thought of someone hurting her. The night I saw that bartender flirting with her, I knew I was in deep.

"It's just the way things have to happen. This is a reality check. We have to get back in line or we're the ones facing the death penalty courtesy of Connell."

"Fucking let him kill me. I have nothing to live for anymore anyway," I scoffed.

"Stop that!" Wesley slammed his hands down on the counter. "I'm not letting you get killed over a random girl."

I waved him off as I pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"And don't you fucking dare light one of those in here," He nagged as I flipped him off, leaving the townhouse to step outside and clear my head for a second.

I know Wesley is right, but I'm slowly losing control of myself around her. My walls are crumbling, leaving my lanky body standing still in a field with no shield staring right back at her. I haven't felt purpose like this before, at least not since working for Connell. Connell gives me a purpose to survive, but not to live. My outlook on life is slowly changing. I care about things I never have before. I'm becoming soft. I hate it. I haven't done cocaine since Georgia, which, as much as I hate to admit, is a long time for me. I used to use multiple times a day, everyday. It's slowly dwindled down since she's been in my life. She's my new addiction, one more fatal than the powdery drug I admitted to dealing. This can't be possible. I have to nip this in the bud if I want to keep living this life. Charlotte has to hate me, which will be hard considering how she's forgiven my heinous treatment in the past. She's too nice. I'd have kicked my ass to the curb the second I raised my voice.