ineffable memories / / bucky barnes

[chapter thirteen]

TIME STAMP: PRESENT

My lover's got humor

She's the giggle at a funeral

Knows everybody's disapproval

I should've worshipped her sooner

Kai was waiting at the car while Sam and Bucky had their conversation and although she felt relieved that Bucky wanted to know about them, she was also a bit afraid. Her mind wandered through all her memories and suddenly a wave of nostalgia mixed with exhaustion ran through her body.

"So..." Bucky started, looking at Sam.

"What exactly do you want my advice on, Buck?"

"Do you think I should let her make me remember? I haven't asked her how it is but what if it's painful? I don't want to go through what I went through again." Bucky confessed.

"Listen, Buck," Sam said softly. "You spent most of your life not knowing who you were. Then you found out some pieces of it and tried your best to forget them." Bucky nodded slowly. "But Kath spent years trying to get you back. Hell, she even teamed up with Winter Soldier to try and reach you. I think it's a complicated decision, but you have to do what's best for you."

"Kai did all of this because she sees something in me that I don't, so how can I make a decision?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Kai." Sam teased Bucky about the fact that he didn't like him saying Kath.

"Shut up."

"Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be wise." Sam patted his shoulder and smiled a bit. "Now don't disappear again, okay?"

"Thank you for coming, Sam."

When Bucky got back to the car, he didn't say anything, but he also didn't start the car, which in a way, was worrying Kai.

"Can you please start the car? You're giving me flashbacks."

"I've apologized for my behavior as the Winter Soldier." Bucky grumbled. "I didn't mean to shoot you and leave you to die."

"Well, you know, it's not something a person can easily forget." Kai teased and after a while, she turned her face to him and smiled.

"You're messing with me."

"I am. Just a bit. For old time's sake." She shrugged and looked away.

"Listen, Kai..." Bucky started. "I can't give you an answer right now. I hope you understand that it's a lot more complicated than it seems."

"I would never want you to decide under pressure." She said quietly. "I've waited a lot to see you again so I can wait, whatever your answer is."

Bucky nodded his head slowly and then gave Kai a genuine yet small smile before he started to drive back to Valentina's building. Once they got there, everyone was waiting for them, and it seemed like they had been for a while.

"Look who finally decided to join us." Valentina smiled bothered. Her wheels clicked through the floor as she got closer to them. "You two better be very careful 'cause I won't think twice about bringing back your bad side." She mumbled at them, referring to the Winter Soldier.

"What took you so long?" Alexei complained. "We have a mission."

"Can you fight hand-to-hand?" Yelena asked Kai, raising an eyebrow.

"I think it's safe to say that she manages it." Walker complained.

"I manage my way, but I'm a quick learner." Kai shrugged.

"I divided you into two teams." Valentina said, giving everyone a paper. "Yelena, you take Kai and Alexei. Walker, you take Bucky and Ava." Before anyone started to complain, she added. "It's non-negotiable. You're not children, you're soldiers."

Ava, who wasn't much of a speaker, asked. "Does the government want them dead or alive?"

"Just bring them at whatever cost." Valentina dismissed the thought with her hand. "Any question?"

"How did you make the teams?" Bucky asked, knowing he would be almost hitting a nerve on Valentina. She had threatened him, so he just wanted to see how far she would go.

"Are you questioning my leadership, Winter Soldier?" Valentina turned to him with an expression so pissed off that he almost wanted to laugh.

"When do we leave?" Kai got in the middle of the conversation to avoid something bigger.

"In 20 minutes. Go get your things." Valentina said and everyone nodded.

Kai looked at the piece of paper before she was called by Yelena. Before leaving the room with Yelena and Alexei, she looked at Bucky and they shared a long look between them. He smiled a bit at her and she did the same, aware that Valentina had her eyes on them.