ineffable memories / / bucky barnes

[chapter eighteen]

TIME STAMP: PRESENT

God stood me up

And I don't know why

Lights are on

But nobody's home

There ain't no love like our love

There ain't no love like our love

Like our love, love, love, love, love

After everyone gave their details of the quick mission to Valentina and after the woman complained about everyone acting like children, she finally decided to change teams, putting Kai along with Bucky and John and Ava with Alexei and Yelena – that particularly sudden decision made Kai strongly believe that Valentina just wanted to see how far Yelena would go without the witch retaliating.

With a swollen lip, Kai took a deep breath, standing up and abandoning the room minutes before Bucky followed her.

"Who did that to you?" He asked but she didn't stop walking so he had to keep up. "Katherine, stop."

"Don't say that name here." She turned to him rigidly but then softened her expression. "It doesn't matter what happened."

"I saw Yelena's fists."

"Then why are you asking me? You want a confirmation that I let her beat me?"

"I'm worried about you." He said lower.

"You hardly know me." She replied in the same tone, her words hurting her heart.

"Don't do that." Shaking his head, he began to walk again, knowing she would follow him. "You never told me if you could bring my memories of you back."

"James, I've been trying to save you since the '40s and now I'm standing in a group led by someone who wants me gone. Don't you think I've tried?" Kai chuckled, feeling tears reach her eyes. "I wish you'd known everything I did to try to get you back."

"Why, though? I get that we had something in the '40s but you didn't know if it would last with the war, time, and everything." Bucky frowned. "You're still here. More than 80 years later, you're still here." He checked if someone was around and got closer to her. "Why?"

"I don't make connections easily. I've never had anyone in my life besides my mother and Luna. Then I met you."

"Who was Luna?" He asked softly.

"Witches are known to have a coven. I destroyed the supreme witch breaking all the rules and I got cast out." Kai said quietly, looking away. "I was alone from 1820 until 1870 when I met Luna. She was abandoned as a child, and I found her close to my little getaway, so I started to let her be around."

"What happened?"

"An old acquaintance found me and couldn't kill me, so she took the opportunity to kill what was most important to me." Katherine looked away.

"Kai..." Bucky whispered.

"I killed her for that so..." She almost laughed but the tears were running through her cheeks. Bucky slipped his hand through her face pushing the tears away and felt an electric shock running through his body. "I promised to never give up on those I... care about."

"You shouldn't have to almost die in the process, sweetheart."

"If I die but you're safe it's all been worth it. I can't bear to lose anyone else."

"It's not worth it to me." The words slipped through his mouth, but he knew that somehow, he meant them more than anything else.

Before they got caught or Kai's mind got filled with memories of them, she stood back a bit, starting to walk again to the commonplace and motioning for Bucky to follow her.

"I have a question for you." She said before sitting down and closing the door behind them, although Bucky sat on the opposite chair, keeping the distance; in case anyone walked by, they could pretend they were talking about work. "Did you ever forgive Steve? For leaving."

Bucky was quiet for a while and wondered how to answer that question. "I think I have. In the beginning, I understood why he did it but I couldn't believe he'd leave me behind with Sam but then I grew into the idea and eventually, grew into liking Sam and realizing he's a great guy." Bucky smiled and looked at the ceiling. "I think I felt alone for most of my life, so it didn't come as a surprise when Steve left. Why do you ask?"

"I had a ... hard time forgiving Steve for what he did to you, and I told him but it wasn't in the nicest way so now I feel a bit bad." Kai smiled a bit sadly.

"I keep forgetting you also knew Steve." Bucky smiled but then frowned. "Wait, how did you talk to Steve?"

"I'll show you some other night when we're out of this place."

"I'd like that." Bucky smiled genuinely and so did Kai. "I think he'll like to know that Sam's doing an amazing job as Captain America."

"I believe so." Kai nodded her head. "But also, that after so many years, you're still Cap's best friend." She teased making Bucky roll his eyes playfully.