ineffable memories / / bucky barnes

[chapter eleven]

TIME STAMP: PRESENT

And if the world don't break

I'll be shaking it

'Cause I'm a young man after all

And when the seasons change

Will you stand by me?

'Cause I'm a young man built to fall

There was silence around the room where Kai was sitting, but she knew she wasn't alone. She'd recognize his presence anywhere, even if he hadn't said anything. "Can I help you?" She asked without actually looking at the papers she was reading – their next targets.

"Have I done something to you?" Bucky asked in a deep tone, which made Kai move in her seat a bit. "I understand you don't like this or Valentina but there's something else."

"There's nothing else." Kai simply said, fighting the urge to touch him. If her hand got close to his heart, it would be over.

"You rejected her offer for over 10 years, why are you here now?" Bucky asked, sitting across the table so he would be able to face her.

After a few seconds, Kai tilted her head up and looked at him, frowning a bit as she realized how much she had missed – and how much she had missed him. "I'm trying to save someone I care about."

"What makes you think you can save them?" Bucky raised an eyebrow.

"What makes you think you can't?"

"Didn't take you for a hero after watching you blast Walker's head against the counter." Bucky almost smirked and Kai repressed a laugh.

"In my defense, he invaded my space and stepped over some boundaries," Kai mumbled, chuckling a bit after. "Although you have to admit that you were kinda into it."

"Was I?" Bucky asked teasingly.

"Aren't you John Walker's number 1 hater?"

"And how do you know that?"

"I know stuff. I see stuff. Something between those lines." Kai shrugged, unable to look away from Bucky.

"You look at me in a way that I can't explain." He said, frowning a bit. "Why do you look at me like you know who I am?" Bucky asked more quietly.

"Maybe I do know who you are," Kai said softly as she was ready to tell him who she was but then she remembered how things ended last time and the idea went away. "Doesn't everyone know you?"

"Why are you here, Katherine?" Bucky whispered and looked into her eyes, which made Kai stand still.

"W-what did you just call me?"

"You heard me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Her voice was trembling as she looked around making sure they were alone.

"Don't ask me how I know your real name is Katherine, but I do know that, just like I know you're here because of some reason related to me but trust me when I tell you this, whatever you're trying to do, I'm not worth it."

"You need to keep your voice down," Kai begged; her breathing took the best of her. "If Valentina finds out that you know something you're not supposed to, we're both screwed up."

"What are you talking about?" Bucky frowned, leaning over the table.

"Let's just say it didn't end up well the last time someone knew we had a ... connection." Kai took a deep breath.

"So, we know each other?" Bucky asked quickly. "What happened?"

"Well, the last time someone discovered that... You shot me and left me to die."

"Oh."

"That was an ... interesting experience," Kai mumbled ironically.

"So, you worked with him?" He meant the Winter Soldier and she knew. Kai nodded slowly. "Where you there ... willingly?"

"Are you asking me if I joined Hydra in my full conscience?" Kai scoffed, shaking her head.

"How am I supposed to know?" Bucky grumbled.

"How am I supposed to know, what you know, James?" She grumbled back and then smiled a bit – it reminded her of them back in the 1940s.

"You called me-"

"This is going to be more difficult than I thought." She sighed. "Since when did you become so curious about everything? Couldn't you just... I don't know."

"You ... you knew me before." Bucky whispered, a glimpse of tears reaching his eyes. When Kai nodded, he tried to talk but nothing came out.

"We've had a long run."

"You knew me before. You worked with the Winter Soldier and you're here now. Why?" Bucky's voice was slowly betraying him, so he didn't say anything else.

Kai's eyes were filled with tears, so she looked away from him. "I'm trying to save you, James. First, it was from war, then it was from Hydra and now it's the most complicated task ... from yourself."

There was a silence between them that started uncomfortably but quickly turned into comfortable. He still had no idea what she meant with all of that, but he wanted to know, he needed to know. No one could be crazy enough to go through everything like Kai did to protect someone if it didn't mean anything. If it wasn't for love.

"Is there a way that I can remember? That you can make me remember?"