Clairvoyance

Chapter 38

If Lexa thought that she had felt visceral visions before, meeting Captain Tarkin was horrific. Almost immediately, the presence of darkness was already decided. As if he was predestined to do something awful in the future.

It left her skin feeling like there was something crawling along her body and that she wanted to rip at her skin with her nails.

She didn't have much time for that, though. Her sixth sense for impending danger seemed to come in handy with the amount of probe droids that had been sent after them. Lexa skirted along the front with Ahsoka while Anakin brought up the back, covering their backs whenever Lexa sent a murmur in the Force along to him.

"I am beginning to admire the design of this fortress. It's rather formidable to evade." Tarkin murmured as they walked along the path.

"How can you admire such a horrible place?" Ahsoka demanded.

Lexa had to silently agree with the girl as Tarkin scoffed. "You reveal your short-sightedness. This ordeal only demonstrates how effective places such as the Citadel truly are. Pity it ended up in Separatist hands and not ours."

"He does have a point." Anakin said, approaching Lexa and Ahsoka.

"So do slugs, Anakin." Lexa sniffed.

"I need you two to lead the group. Keep following the tunnel. I'll catch up." Anakin insisted.

"Where are you going then?" Ahsoka demanded.

"Someone has to cover our flank." Lexa cut in. "Since Obi-Wan's busy in the Citadel causing chaos."

"Exactly," Anakin finished, a smug smile on his face. For a moment, it almost seemed like they were getting along. Quick as it came though, it was gone and a soured expression on Anakin's face. "Be careful now."

With that, he disappeared down the pathway. Lexa just gestured ahead with her head and Ahsoka looked pensive as they walked. "You have something on your mind." Lexa stated as they walked.

"It's not the time or place, trust me."

"But loud thoughts can be distracting. What's up?" Lexa questioned, crossing her arms as they turned a corner.

"Did....did something happen? Between you and Anakin?" Ahsoka finally blurted, looking up at Lexa with pleading eyes.

All at once, Lexa understood what Ahsoka had meant. She was worried—worried that they disliked each other so much now that they couldn't even work together. Things had changed in her absence and things were not the same.

"Sometimes," Lexa said in a gentle tone. "People grow apart. It's not any one person's fault."

She was careful to leave Anakin's blame in this out of it. Ahsoka didn't need to know that. Didn't need to know the extent to which Anakin was, in fact, to blame—and the extent to which Lexa had gone to keep her own sins under the radar.

"But it's sad when people grow apart. Especially when they're so close." Ahsoka said insistently.

"Yes, it is." Lexa's mind briefly drifted to Padme—but the wound that was there was still raw and festering. She wasn't sure how long it would be—maybe forever—she thought, but she wouldn't know that now. Grief had a funny way of playing with one's mind and reappearing when you least expected it.

After narrowly making it through a rock and a hard place—quite literally—Lexa wanted nothing more than to take off with the others and never look behind her. Tarkin's constant negative attitude did little to ease the already tense situation at hand and truth be told, Lexa still felt wildly thrown off from her panic attack.

She was almost certain that's what it was. She had never really experienced one before—never really felt this much panic in her body in such a physical way before.

Sticking by Ahsoka and having the young Padawan's back seemed to put her back in the present. Though Ahsoka seemed just as annoyed as Lexa internally felt, albeit, much more publicly.

"You show your emotions so freely."

"Sorry—" Ahsoka started.

"I never said it was a bad thing. Just be careful. I get annoyed too." Lexa glanced behind her and down at the lower part of the tunnel where Anakin and Tarkin were walking side by side.

"He doesn't like how young I am. And he doesn't like the fact that you're a woman." Ahsoka sneered.

"It's a man's world in the galaxy, unfortunately. Even for Jedi. Even for people like Senator Amidala. And even for bounty hunters and everyone else." Lexa murmured. "You learn to adapt and let it go."

"But...doesn't it...frustrate you?"

"Wildly. But I know my value. Anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter to me." Lexa flashed a grin at Ahsoka and the younger girl grinned back.

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After receiving the rendezvous point from the Jedi Council and reconvening with Obi-Wan and his group, they all cautiously began the trek to the island where rescue would take place. The whole mission had been thrown off in more ways than one—something Lexa felt that she should have seen coming.

But her visions just weren't what they used to be.

She wasn't what she used to be.

"Are we going to talk about what happened back there?"

At that, Lexa gave a sigh and didn't even spare Obi-Wan the glance. "Which part? The part where I totally lost my kriffing shit and froze or the part where I nearly got you all killed because my visions aren't reliable anymore?"

"You know that's just not true."

"Which part?"

"Lexa," This time, Lexa did spare Obi-Wan a glance. He looked just as tired as she was with this mission—but his eyes were tinged with worry. Worry about her. She had always known they were family, that there was a bond between them—still, it was nice to feel like someone cared.

"What?"

It's alright if you're not all the way—

"If you're going to talk, just say it out loud." Lexa grit her teeth at the invasion in her mind.

That didn't dissipate his worry over the young woman. "It's perfectly normal to freeze, is all I'm trying to say."

"You haven't."

A beat of silence.

"No, I haven't. I also haven't lived through what you've lived through. Few have." Obi-Wan said quietly. "It's remarkable that you insist on coming on these missions."

"Indispensable to the war effort, remember?"

"On the Council, remember?"

"There's the attitude I knew was there." A small smile spread across Lexa's features and he smiled at that.

"I knew you could still do it."

"Do what?"

"Smile."