Clairvoyance

Chapter 35

A/N: Hey kiddos!! In between a surgery, work, and moving home to care for my parents, things have just been a little hectic and so I'm sorry about the long wait! That being said, over the summer, I'm only going to be updating every two weeks for convenience and times' sake. Thank you and hopefully you enjoy! As always, let me know what you think!

Lexa's recovery was slow and she knew it was going to be a long path to getting back to the Jedi that she had once been. Physically, she recovered much faster than she did mentally, emotionally, or even spiritually.

The thing about being out of balance in one aspect of life was that it tended to imbalance the other portions of one's life. It was no easy thing trying to come back from the devastations of torture.

She had so much anger and grief. It was palpable. Something she could almost physically touch every single day. She felt it like she felt a weight on her shoulders every morning she woke up. She felt it in every lump in her throat whenever she tried to exhale or breathe out.

The memories were bad but the visions were worse.

It was in this state of grief and shock and pain that Master Mace Windu had offered to teach her Vaapad. It wasn't something she took lightly—knowing the history of darkness in her own line of Masters. But what Mace Windu had given her was an outlet—a way to control and keep centered the pain in which she now lived daily.

She meditated daily with Master Yoda. She spent time in the Hall of Healing. She even saw Obi-Wan and Ahsoka occasionally. But never Anakin. Never Padme. Never them. And that was alright with her.

Truth be told, she wasn't sure what she would say to them. Or if she had anything to say. She knew they were carrying on with their affair, much in the same way that she and Anakin had been months prior.

In some ways, it felt like it was a whole lifetime ago. In a very real sense, the Lexicla Verace that stood before the Council today was a different person than the one who had embarked on a mission with Hyperion Squadron. Everything was different and nothing was had changed.

How to explain to anyone that she felt free? Felt unburdened by a lie that she had been living? How to explain that she missed the lie? Missed the simple touch of someone who did not want to hurt her. Missed what being loved and known felt like.

How to explain that she felt hope for the future? How to explain that in that same regard, she was devastated beyond belief and more worried than ever?

It was all just too much for one person to bear. And she was starting to understand why the Jedi of Old had hated prophecies. Had hated the weight that they brought onto those that had them.

Still, the last thing that Lexicla had been expecting was to be assigned to investigate a distress call from the Outer Rim—one that hadn't been used in over 2000 years. The Jedi Council had decided that it would be a test, naturally. To see if she could acclimate back into the war efforts, whether gradually, or not at all.

Lexa was sick of tests.

But being the expert on this particular branch of Jedi History? Now that was something she could work with. Having to work with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka? Easy, even if they would most likely treat her like she was made of glass.

Having to work with Anakin though? He was the personification of her pain embodied by the things that she had done and said in order to protect him.

True to her guesswork, Anakin hadn't spoken two words to her the minute she had entered the aircraft. And he didn't speak to her the entirety of the time they flew to the Outer Rim. He didn't actually speak—rather uncharacteristically—until they were at the rendezvous point and awaiting Rex.