WHERE TO NOW? (M/M) 18+

Chapter 19

In the light of the moon

Sitting alone by the fire made me sleepy, but I don't remember walking to my room. As I was laying in bed surrounded by darkness, I stared at the white ceiling thinking about tomorrow, dreading tomorrow. It was alot, thinking about everything that had happened since I'd met them and knowing they'll be gone. Never hearing them laugh or speak, it hurt. I knew that we were staying together for a while, but I felt like once we left this house, they would disappear, fade out of existence as if they were never here at all.. and I would lose them.

I rolled over, trying to erase the thoughts in my mind so I could get some sleep, but I just ended up tossing and turning for hours, unable to convince myself to think of anything else. The ache in my chest became too much and I found myself stripping off the blanket and going out for some air.

As I walked around, the dark house felt as empty as my heart. Like my chest was a lonely cage without a singing bird. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, my feet slapped against the cold tiles of the entry, echoing quietly throughout the house. I looked at the front door, and decided not to go out because the lock had an obnoxiously loud mechanism that would wake up the entire neighbourhood if I tried to open it. Instead I turned, and walked towards the living room aiming for the back door.

The lounge room was devoid of all life, the fire was out and the room felt exceptionally eerie without the crackling glow. I made my way to the glass door, sliding it open quietly, trying not to wake the others. A gust of wind hit me, the smell of damp earth flooded me, and a musk of burnt wood and gasoline, a scent I was all too familiar with. My eyes lifted to see Damien on the deck, his back was turned to me as he leant on the railing looking up at the stars. Unlike the front, there was no roof on the deck, and the light of the full moon made him shine in the darkness.

Should I go back in, maybe he wanted to be alone?

His black t-shirt shifted as he lowered his head "Come here Samuel." He said quietly.

I gingerly walked up beside him and followed his gaze to the stars as we stood in silence.

I forgot how beautiful the moon was, like a beacon in the night, lighting the way. He sighed with content and my eyes drifted to him. His eyes shone with the moon, his brown irises appearing silver as they shimmering in the darkness.

I waited for him to speak, not wanting to break the silence first. He seemed so calm right now, in comparison to how he normally was, it's like he was a different person entirely. His body was relaxed and he breathed deeply, calmly, as if feeling every breath. Every sway of his eyes or twitch of his fingers seemed to move in slow motion, like he was completely at peace. Comfortable in the light of the moon.

He breathed in deeply before letting it go. "I know you don't want to leave" he said softly, and I felt my body tense.

Is this why he wanted me to come closer, to explain to me how what I want is wrong?

"But if we stay here.." his eyes dropped to the railing as he thought about his words. "I don't know what will happen"

"Nobody knows what will happen, that's just life. You can't predict the future and you can't stop it by running away" I tried to stay calm, but I could feel the urge to argue stirring inside of my stomach.

He sighed. "It's not about that Samuel.." His eyes knitted together slightly as he struggled to find the words he was looking for.

I felt the need to shut up and listen, like what he was about to say was important, so I waited patiently for him to continue.