Echoes of Resilience

42

"Are you going to torture Cristina and Teddy when they come over tonight?" Addison chuckled as she put the dishes away while Meredith sat at the island, flipping through a magazine.

"Of course I am." Meredith giggled. "Zona will probably jump in and help me."

"You don't think that Cristina will turn the tables around and bring up our kiss?" Addison turned to face Meredith, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Oh she definitely will, but I don't care." Meredith shrugged. "As long as you don't hate me, I couldn't care less about what anyone else has to say. Plus, Cristina not being scared to make fun of me is one of the things I love about her. She treats me like I'm normal even though we all know I'm the furthest thing from normal. Normal people don't wake up screaming in the middle of the night." Addison sighed sadly and walked over to the blonde, taking both of her hands in hers.

"Sweet girl, you have PTSD. Nightmares are a normal part of that. In time, they won't be so bad, but for now it's just something you have to deal with. You're not alone though, you will never be alone." Addison assured her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "It's not that you're not normal, you just went through something vile and you're trying to deal with that."

"I know you're right." Meredith took a deep breath. "I know that, but it's so much easier to just say there's something wrong with me then put the blame where it belongs. If I'm the problem then that's something I can change, but when the problem is out of my control, I feel like I'm spinning and eventually I'm going to collapse."

"And I will be there to catch you." Addison smiled and twirled a strand of Meredith's hair around her finger. "I will always be there to catch you."

"Like you did when I passed out?" Meredith snorted.

"Exactly." Addison nodded. "Also I am very proud of how well you've been eating the past few days, I know it hasn't been easy."

"It hasn't been." Meredith agreed. "But I saw how me not eating was hurting you and I don't want to hurt you." The blonde's voice cracked as she blinked away tears. "I know that I should be eating because it's what's good for me, but it's hard to care about myself. Caring about you is easy, so I've kind of been using that as my motivation." She bit her lip as she looked down at her lap.

"Whatever it takes." Addison lifted Meredith's chin with one of her fingers. "If right now thinking about how it affects me is what it takes for you to be able to take care of yourself, then that's okay. I have faith that eventually you'll be able to do it for yourself, but the important thing is you're doing it."

"Thank you." Meredith whispered. "I don't have a lot of faith in myself right now, so it's really nice that you do."

"Lucky for you, I have enough faith in you for the both of us." Addison pulled Meredith into a hug. The blonde started crying on the redhead's shoulder. "You're okay, just let it all out honey." She murmured in Meredith's ear, pressing a kiss to her hair. 

"It hurts..." Meredith choked out in between sobs.

"What hurts?" Addison pulled back slightly to cradle Meredith's face in her hands.

"My chest!" Meredith whined as her breath sped up. "It feels like I'm going to choke!"

"Okay, take a deep breath with me. In... and out. Good girl. In... and out. One more time, in... and out." Addison smiled as the panic left Meredith's eyes. "Do you feel a little better?"

"Yeah." Meredith nodded. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, but you're welcome." Addison chuckled. "They should be here in about an hour, what do you want to do until then?"