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tw: mentions of SA
Jaeyun's POV
Riki kept me hidden from the world like I was his fragile little thing to protect.
He'd failed once already.
My body still felt wrong in every possible way. I threw up, rinsed my mouth over and over, but Giselle's saliva still felt stuck in it.
Every time I tried to sleep, I could feel both of them on me all over again. I slept maybe four hours total. The rest of the time, I was too afraid to close my eyes.
Riki barely spoke after the first night. He just kept tossing me cigarettes whenever I started shaking too hard. No alcohol, no cocaine, just cold nicotine.
***
The first night was the hardest for both of us.
We were sitting on his bathroom floor for hours. Every five minutes, I was throwing up whatever was left in me. Alcohol, coke, everything I'd taken. Riki just stayed there.
"Go away," I tried to tell him.
It must've sounded like gibberish. I couldn't hear myself properly. My ears were ringing, and my tongue felt like a useless, swollen weight in my mouth.
"No."
He looked away when I heaved so hard my vision blurred, a frothy yellow stream spilling out of my throat.
My stomach was empty, but it kept trying to force something out that wasn't there.
And knowing Riki was right beside me felt comforting in a way that upset me.
Everything about that moment was an absolute nightmare. The smell. The noise. The way my body wouldn't stop shaking.
He didn't have to torture himself watching me throw up. I'd pass out from exhaustion anyway. He could go to sleep.
"Why?" I slurred, drool coating my lips, my head resting on the toilet edge. I had a few minutes before the next wave hit.
"You barely knew me, but you stole morphine when I told you I needed it. What you're throwing up is fucking disgusting. But you need me."
He grabbed a bath towel from the edge of the tub and wiped my face and the back of my neck. My hair was stuck to my forehead. Sweat kept running down my back.
"When you feel better, I need the names of everyone you've talked to. Okay?"
I blinked at him.
Did he really think blood on his hands would fix anything?
I was going to finish throwing up and pretend it didn't happen. I didn't have the right to feel bad about it.
She called. I knew what she was capable of. I still went.
