⌞ the chain ⌝

⌞ eleven : start again ⌝

And, I have a feeling the grid is going to change. For the better.

_

I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time after the dinner. The words Max said whipped around my mind as I sat there. Sang had fallen asleep in my lap hours ago but I couldn't find it in myself to get up, to go do something else. I needed sleep. The race was in a few hours but I just couldn't move.

Maybe it was my eyes and the way I could almost trick myself that it was Jules looking back at me. Maybe it was the scars across my hands from fighting Toto when he crashed. Maybe it was the scars on my knees from falling on the debris of the garage when everything happened. Maybe it was the silver cross and the matching pendant that always made me think of Jules.

Or maybe it was all the things that tied me to Charlie; my hair, the set of my chin, the high cheekbones. The anger that tied me to Father. The years of trauma that washed away my self-confidence that tied me to Mother.

I was a collection of all those that came before me. Eyes that held anger pushed by my Father but held the same softness as the man who I wished was my father. The defiant chin made me look like my brother but held the same strength as my mother who suffered for years to make sure her kids stayed together. The scars reminded me of the people who made sure I didn't die that day.

I sighed, knowing that the choice I was about to make was going to change my entire life. And I prayed that I had the strength to do it, the cold silver digging in my hands. He would be there with me through it all. If not in body, then in my heart. I was Eilulia Marques Romania Bianchi Leclerc. A collection, a mosaic.

_

"Good morning, Miss. Bianchi."

"Good morning, Roman. At least there is no rain this morning."

He smiled, opening the door for me. "I made sure of it, just for you."

I chuckled as I slid into the seat, careful not to mess up any part of my outfit. It was simple. A pair of black cargo pants, my combat boots, a cropped white tank, and my racing jacket. I would be wearing all parts of who I was today. Jules was with me, in all of this, and I needed him today. I needed his clarity, I needed his advice. I needed him. And the closest I got to that was my racing jacket.

The drive was short, as it always was. I wished to walk but today it gave me the time to figure out what I wanted to do. I would talk to my father, all of them, about it today before the race. Or after. I was hoping I got there early enough too. I couldn't wait for hours to make a decision. I needed to do it before I lost my courage.

Roman parked and helped me out, I scanned my pass and sped walk to the hospitality tent. Reporters were trying to stop me the entire time but I pushed past. Confidence, clarity, decisions. That was the only thing on my mind as I stepped into the tent.

Lewis was the first to see me, raising an eyebrow. Nico saw me next, wondering what took Lewis's attention. Nico grabbed Jenson, and Jenson hit Seb who was already talking with Kimi so both of them looked up to me. Dani walked in behind me, standing a bit to my side with a raised eyebrow.

"Lu, are you okay, my love?"

Dani was the one who spoke first. I shook my head and he moved closer, putting a hand to my head. I didn't stop him as I watched the clarity come into Lewis's eyes.

"Dani, she's not sick. She's got something to say."

He looked over at Lewis and then back to me. I let him look, taking it all in. The new haircut that I rushed the night before and the way it cupped my cheeks. The racing jacket, the Bianchi crest. The way I held myself. I hoped that I was showing confidence.

The look that Lewis gave me showed he knew what I was there for. Nico still looked a bit confused until Lewis explained it to him and he broke out in the biggest grin. He went to stand but Lewis dragged him back down. He knew that I wanted to do this on my own, be the one the claim it.

Seb was the next person to see it, nodding at me with that stupid dad look. I nodded back and
Kimi winked at me. I almost broke then, wanting to tell them so I could hear the praise and how proud they were of me but I needed to wait. I needed Dani to get it. I knew he would be the last when Jenson broke out into a huge smile.

I finally looked away from them all, my gaze softening when I met Dani's eyes. I knew that he had put the pieces together but he didn't want to say anything. He was scared. He had lost his best friend, the man he loved. And he wasn't about to let the same happen to his daughter. We hadn't been as close since the accident but that didn't make his love go away.

I knew that people grieved differently and Dani was scared that he was going to mess it all up. I knew that. I knew he wanted what was best for me. And he knew that too as he sighed, nodding.
I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek before turning back to all of the people who supported me. The people I had made to be a family around me.

I took that breath, using the strength I gained from them. Dani grabbed my hand, squeezing it as I found my words.

"I want to race."

I watched them all break out into smiles, getting up to hug me. Everyone had to pause as Dani pulled me into the first hug I had gotten from him in a while. I broke, the tears running down my face as I hugged him back just as hard.

"I am sorry I haven't been there, Lily. But I will be. I will be."

"I know, Dani." I kissed his cheek again, hoping he knew I didn't hold it against him. "I know."

After that was a giant celebration and I couldn't stop smiling. All of them gathered around me to tell me I was going to do great, and that they were proud of me. That everything was exactly how it was supposed to be. I could feel it. That love Jules talked about. I gripped the pendant, closing my eyes as I saw his smile behind my eyes.

Told you, fluer. Now go rule the world.

I sighed, opening my eyes. "Okay, yay. But what do I even do?"

A hand grabbed my shoulder, squeezing it. I raised my eyebrow as I looked over my shoulder to see Toto standing behind me with the biggest grin I'd ever seen. "Let's start with a contract."

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a/n: oh hello ladies and gents. this isn't what you were expecting, was it? well, get wrecked cause it's here!! oh lordy. we did it. but we're not done yet. there's always more to come. as always, love it or don't :p