⌞ the chain ⌝

⌞ six : old friends ⌝

"I only want the best for the little girl that was never given the childhood she deserved."

_

The rules were pretty simple after Nico left. No drinking, no drugs, and I was required to go to two races. Monaco, obviously, and another that any of the drivers were allowed to pick. It was set so I didn't have time to hide if I had started drinking again. And I couldn't get out of either for any reason. I deemed it fair since they could have taken racing away from me.

I didn't assume they were going to. Both were surprised to see I even wanted to be a car, let alone drive and race. I think they were okay with it, because it was a step. They didn't mention it, but I knew they wanted me to go into racing. No one brought it up, but it was obvious. Lewis's face when he found out, Nico watching on the one night I let him watch from the same roof Rev took me. Kimi's reaction when Lewis told him. The smile I got from Seb, and Jenson giving me a hat to wear as if that would make me want to do it. Even Dani... who had been distant, seemed happy at the notion.

I wanted to find out why Dani had taken a step back. Lewis told me he was just busy. But they all were and everyone else seemed to make time for me. I wondered how he had been handling Jules's death. I didn't know how to ask him about it but I knew it had to be affecting him, they were best friends. As a little kid, I even thought they were in love. But it wasn't my place to ask. He would tell me if he wanted to. And I knew how much I hated being bugged, I wouldn't do it to him.

Sighing, I set the food down for Sang. I had been slowly gaining my strength back. I didn't realize how much weight I had lost in the span of a few months. The partying, the racing, all of it. If it was stress or just covered excitement, it had taken away from my physicality.

A run. That's what I needed.

I patted Sang as he brushed against my legs, thankful for the food. The little guy following me everywhere these days. But I needed this. Even if I would probably be slow and maybe even throw up the little bit of food I managed. Something in me, not that I would admit it, wanted to be in shape. If I ever did fold and go into racing, like Charlie, I needed to be perfect. And that didn't happen from all this sitting around. Time to get back to it.

_

I collapsed on the steps to the flat. My chest hurt more than anything, like I was drowning on too much air. I tried to slow it down but I felt out of control of my own body. It wasn't a panic attack, I knew what those felt like... this was just a lack of air.

I heard the sucking of teeth causing me to open my eyes, someone was standing above me. I cringed against the sun's outline, trying to figure out who it was.

"Come on now, petit. You're failing that bad?"

The voice was familiar and I put a hand over my eyes, finally getting a clear vision of who it was.

"Hello, Pierre."

He chuckled, taking the spot next to me. "Hello, Eilulia."

"What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Was in town and figured I would stop to see the little Leclerc."

I tried not to gag at the sound of my last name. I hadn't heard it in so long, it was weird. I shrugged it off, to roll my eyes at him. Pierre Gasly, Charlie's best friend. I had met him a couple of times, only when I would get dragged to his kart races. But that was years ago. I stopped going to those the second I had the choice.

I was never allowed to race and being dragged to them, it was like pouring salt in the wound. I always wanted to race with Charlie and the other boys. Father thought it was stupid and once he said no, no one was allowed to question it. Pierre, however, had always been there to poke me. It was like his entire personality was to bother me any chance he could get. I had avoided him for years but I guess this was my punishment for whatever some superior being decided I deserved.

"Charlie sent you to check on me."

"Yeah."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, as you can see..." I gestured to myself, still having a hard time catching my breath. "I'm fine."

"You look like you're about to pass out from a single mile."

"Jokes on you, Gasly. I ran six."

"Always the overachiever."

"Only way to get attention in my house."

That shut us both up for a second and gave me the second to finally get my breathing under control. I looked at him, wondering how the years had treated him. He would be about nineteen now. He had just joined the racing circuit from what I heard and you could tell. His height had come in and even those he was wearing loose clothing for the hot weather, he was fit.

"How's the racing life?"

"Good, you would like it."

I scoffed. "That's not my thing."

"Always Charlie's. Yeah, I know."

I nodded as I stood. "I'm assuming you want to come in."

"At least for a drink."

I nodded and gestured for him to follow me in. He walked a step behind me, cooing at Sang once we made it in. Sang made a pointed decision to completely ignore him. I had to stop myself from laughing at that as I poured a glass of limeade for him. He took it with a thanks, leaning against the bar.

"What has life given you?"

"A dead godfather and illegal street racing."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're racing."

"If you call illegal street racing, racing."

"I do. Because I don't think any of us expected you to touch a car ever again."

I shrugged. "Always full of surprises."

"Does Charlie know?"

"Do you think Charlie knows?" I scoffed. "He told me he never wanted to speak to me again, blamed me for Jules's death, and made Arthur hate me. You take a guess, Gasly."

He nodded, obviously regretting his decision to ask.

I hated to make him feel uncomfortable, but I had grown to have a sharp tongue. I was tired of letting people talk to me however they wanted. That was how it went all my life and now, I wasn't going to stand for it. Too much time lost. Maybe the boys from the street changed me or maybe it was everything that had happened, finally causing me to snap.

"You've grown, little Leclerc."

"Haven't we all?"

He nodded, sipping at his drink. "You know... and you're going to hate me for this, but there is always space for you in the racing world. I bet every team would want a piece of you once they saw what you could do. Nothing is stopping you from trying."

So much was stopping me. Charlie had to have been in F2 by now and to go, to see him again... I knew it would cause something. I was just starting to find my footing. I couldn't lose it all again because that part of my heart hadn't healed yet. I couldn't invade the space Charlie had found to cope. Even if it had been a forced step. Father wouldn't let Charlie take a step back. There was only forward.

Me, coming in, that would mess up whatever stability he had built for himself. As much as I was hurt by what he did and said, as much as I wanted to get back at him. I still loved him. I was still his biggest fan. And I wasn't going to ruin his chances for a petty reason or a false dream.

"Maybe another time. I don't think it's my turn yet."

Pierre nodded as if he had some understanding I didn't. "I'll let Charlie know you're not out here killing yourself. Maybe that will be enough to have him come say hi instead of standing outside the door."

He left before I could process what he said. Charlie had been here... My brother. Just steps away. And I hadn't been able to tell. What kind of twin was I?

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a/n: hello angst. and to everyone's joy, i finally introduced a current driver. yay! it's starting to develop people, get your hopes up. next chapter is going to be funnnnnnn. and as always, i am here to say. love it or don't :p