⌞ the chain ⌝

⌞ forteen : decisions, decisions ⌝

"I think I might have some news you might enjoy."

_

I paced the room as I waited for the rest of the gang to get here. Lewis told me they all planned on flying out, knowing the decision would come. But I didn't know if I could handle all of them being here. It felt like the decision I was about to make was something that would change my life forever, and it would. But I didn't want to hurt anyone in my decision.

Lewis hadn't heard anything. I took the phone off speaker the second I realized what Susie was calling me about. I didn't want to feel swayed in any direction, taking the choice that felt right to me. I wanted my fathers here for support and nothing more. I wanted them to be happy in the decision I made.

"Lu, darling, do you want to sit down?"

"No-"

The knock on the door interrupted me. I looked up, watching as Lewis grabbed the door. Seb and Kimi were standing there with Jenson behind. Some of my tension dropped as they came in. I dodged the hugs and it earned me some looks.

"Lu isn't feeling up to it right now, nerves."

Seb nodded, giving me a wink and Kimi nodded, only opting to ruffle my hair. I smiled at them, Jenson flashing me his winning smile. Just Dani and Nico. I was scared that Nico wouldn't show up. I asked Lewis about what was going on between them but I got nothing. He looked sad when I asked and I suspected more than he was letting on.

I had watched the races. I had seen the way they'd been acting with each other. I was scared that I was going to lose them but this wasn't the time to be worried about that. I needed to make a decision and they were adults, they could put aside their issues for a few hours to help me figure this out.

Another knock. I sighed in relief when I saw Nico and Dani. Seb made sure to let them know that I didn't feel like being touched. I got smiles and they took their seats. Lewis motioned for me to sit but I couldn't find it in me to.

"You know who she looks like right now?"

"Dani, we all see it. No need to bring it up."

I turned to look at all of them, raising an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Dani snorted. "You look like Jules, sweetheart. He used to pace when he couldn't find an answer."

Something fluttered in my heart. Jules was here with me. I knew it. I knew he would be. With something as big as this, he would never miss out. I had never been one to believe in heaven and hell, that wasn't my thing. But I knew he was here. He would always be here. He made that promise.

"So, kiddo, what are we thinking about?"

_

"You've got a few decisions to make, kid."

I groaned, hitting the pillow against my face. "I know and that's the issue."

Lewis snorted at me. "Alright, then let's lay the decisions out."

"First one, give it to us."

I nodded, sitting down on the floor. I could think better when I was on the floor. I grabbed something close to me, surprisingly enough, it was a candle. I snorted, setting it down.

"McLaren."

"Pros and cons, baby."

I nodded at Nico. "Pros; it's a rookie team and it gives me time to grow with it. I can kinda shape it into something that would work with me. I have no real ties to it, meaning I don't have to deal with the 'it was handed to you' bullshit."

"McLaren is not a rookie team."

"Jenson, I will chuck this candle at your head."

He snorted and Nico motioned for me to continue. "Uh, cons; I have no real ties to the team and would be starting from practically zero."

"Next one."

"Redbull."

"And?"

"Pros; I have some ties to it and would feel more comfortable. It's a top team and would give me a better chance at showing off my skills. I can move up with the team. Cons; dealing with Christian Horner and having to prove myself against Max Verstappen who was a fucking prodigy."

That earned me a snort from Dani and I smiled at him, knowing he had kinda taken Max under his wing. The kid was young but he was a damn good racer. He was not just a driver. I think Jules would have liked him.

"Next."

"Mercedes."

"And?"

"Pros; I know the team like they're my own family. Toto and Susie are both great. I would have the chance to work with them. I have both Lewis and Nico at my side if things get bad. A top team, a way to really show off my skills without worrying about the car. Cons; all I would hear is how it was handed to me. The media knows of my ties to the team and most people don't like it."

Lewis and Nico both nodded. They knew I wanted to make my own name for myself. It was going to be hard. I was tied to Jules, I was tied to Charlie, I was tied to Lewis, I was tied to Nico, I was tied to Seb, I was tied to Kimi, I was tied to Dani, I was tied to Jenson. And if I wanted to make a name for myself, without any of those. There was only one team that I could truly do that.

Ferrari was out of the question, I had told that to Susie before we even went through. I couldn't do that. I wasn't healed enough to sit in red, to race in the same way that Jules did. I wanted to walk my path.

"Lu?"

I looked up. Lewis. He always seemed to know my decision before I did myself and I could see it in his eyes now. I wanted to argue to keep thinking about what I wanted, to weigh the decisions, and to act like I knew what would be the smartest options. But I couldn't go about this logically. I needed to learned with my heart. I needed to do what felt right.

And in this moment.

In that singular moment when Lewis looked at me and saw something I would never be able to see.

When I saw the confidence he had.

The decision felt clear.

I knew.

One way or another.

There was only one real path for me to take.

And it started with me.

To right here, from where you started, Lily.

I sighed and took a breath, nodding at Lewis. He nodded back. I finally broke that eye contact with him to take a look at the people who believed I would get here. From day one till a decision. My family, my fathers, my grid.

"I know."

"And it is?"

"McLaren. I'm going to race for Mclaren."

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a/n: apologies to all of you who wanted a different team but to me, this felt right. i promise you that there will be a time when you see our girl in that merc blue but like all good racers, she's got to start somewhere and because i love you all. i decided to write this today instead of tomorrow so we could all celebrate together (this also might be a bit prompted because of the lando win) but as always, love it or don't :p