⌞ the chain ⌝

⌞ thirty-four : the rewind ⌝

I think it's time to move you up to F2.

_ 

I stared at that message longer than I wanted to admit. The season had ended, Lando ended up winning the championship and McLaren got the constructors. It was a great first season but now that I was back home in Monte Carlo again, all I could do was stare at that message. It had been weeks and I hadn't grabbed the courage to do anything other than stare at it. And the only other person who could know was Jem. 

He had made it seem like it was his big plan and kept making comments like he knew what I was hiding. But hiding felt like the wrong word. I wasn't hiding anything. I needed to focus on the fact that I was still racing for McLaren. And even then, I had to decide what I wanted to do. Stay with the team that gave me a shot and helped me get off the ground or move to a team that had the potential to move me further. 

I hadn't heard anything from Zak about a contract extension or a move to F2. And here Christian Horner was, offering me my future. One that seemed real and something I could actually grab from the sky instead of a shooting star that flew past before I could have the chance to process it was there. 

But then. Would Lewis be happy with this, would Nico? I knew Sebastian would be over the moon. He had always wanted me to go somewhere I could have the power he did. But with the others? Daniel? He would probably be happy for me but then again, he also seemed to be losing the energy he had. It had been a rough season for him. No wins, fighting with Max. Jenson, and 
Kimi. Both of them would just want me to be racing. 

I closed my phone and laid back on the bed. It was going to be a long break. 

_ 

"Yo, why are you hiding out in here?" 

I groaned when I heard Rev yelling through the house, making a mental reminder to take the extra key from him until the next season started. The apartment was my space and having him walk in here ruined the mood of just laying on the floor in depression while my cat made biscuits on my chest. 

"Leave me be." 

"Girl." He looked down at me with that stupid little smirk. "Get off the damn floor." 

"No. Sang and I are comfortable." 

He shook his head as he came to lay next to me, hands behind his back as we both stared up at the ceiling. "I still can't believe you named your cat after the French word for 'blood'." 

"You just don't get him." 

"Don't get emo about your cat, you already look like a depressed ghost." 

The word stung. Not depressed, I had known that was something I was dealing with. And I focused all that energy on racing. If I raced, there was no time to think any of those thoughts. But lying here, gave me the time to deal with them. But that was something I could deal with. The other thing. 

Ghost. 

I wondered what that could mean, at least to me. Rev had said it with the idea of me being pale because I was hiding from the sun by lying in the dark. And yet, everything felt like it went back to Jules like it always did. 

The headlines never escaped me. The goddaughter of the famous Jules Bianchi, following in his steps. The ghost of a dream that was being lived by his goddaughter. It felt like I was fighting against the world to be my own person. Yes, I was a Bianchi. That didn't change. But I was myself. And I was a Leclerc. I was a Hamilton. I was a Rosberg. I was a Vettel. I was Button. I was a Ricciardo. I was a Räikkönen. All of it. But I was still me. 

"Lily, jeez. Don't zone out on me." 

"Sorry, lots on my mind." 

"Like what?" 

I sighed. "I have the chance to move to F2." 

"Oh shit! Lils, that's amazing!" He sat up and I saw the excitement leave his face. "But you're not happy about it?" 

I shook my head. It wasn't long before it came out. I had to make a decision sooner or later and it felt like I was going to hurt a lot of people. Alex, George... Lando. The people I had become close to. And I couldn't just leave Lando. My brother. That's what we had become. We were a family, we took care of each other. And I had to make the decision to leave him. 

"I don't know if I should take that deal?" 

"And why not? I mean, that's the next step, right?" 

"It is, it's just... I would have to leave McLaren to do it." 

"Ah." He nodded, leaning back against the floor. "And you don't want to betray them?" 

I shook my head again. "I feel like no matter what choice I make, it'll be the wrong one." 

"Lils, what did I tell you before you left? You need to start living for you. And that's going to upset some people but the ones who care about you will be proud no matter what." 

Part of me knew he was right. Redbull was my next step, it was the best option. McLaren hadn't offered me a damn thing. They had all the time in the world and they knew with the end of the season, I was going to have different choices to make. And I couldn't stay in F3 forever. I didn't want to leave Lando but he was going to do what he had to without thinking about me. And I didn't want to leave Damon. 

Oh, Damon. The man who had seen me for who I was and who I could be without changing a damn thing about me. I couldn't leave him. I had to bring him with me. And maybe, just maybe. I could get Redbull to let me take him. I sighed and picked up my phone. The number was dialed and the phone rang. 

"Mr. Horner?" 

"Miss. Bianchi-Leclerc, I was not expecting this. What do I owe the pleasure?" 

"I wanted to talk to you about your propositions. But I have some requests." 

I could almost hear the smile in his voice as he leaned back in whatever chair he was sitting in, the soft creak being heard over the phone. "Whatever it takes you have you join our family." 

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a/n: we saw this coming, right? like we knew it was going to happen? i did but then again, i'm the one writing this so... anyways! as always, i love you and you can love it or don't :p