⌞ the chain ⌝

⌞ thirty-one : ghosts ⌝

"Let me catch you up on everything."

_

"Well, well, well. It seems the princess has returned." 

I couldn't help but giggle as I turned to see Rev standing in the doorway of the apartment. That stupid smile on his face as I walked over to him, arms wrapping around his neck as I hugged him. It was soft, his body twisting so he wouldn't hurt my ribs which were carefully wrapped. How he knew about the injury was a surprise to me but I didn't push it. Not when it would mean explaining why I had fractured ribs. 

"Hi, Rev." 

He pulled back. "Hi, principessa." 

"How are you? How are the boys? Did Road get himself arrested again?" 

"Woah, slow down." He laughed softly, arm resting around my shoulder as we both plopped on the couch. "Speed went home, Pheonix and Road are just fine." 

"Good, good." 

"So, are we getting an appearance from the most infamous Eilulia Leclerc tonight?"

I raised an eyebrow as I looked over at him. "Did you tell the boys?"

"Amore, you are all over the news. But yeah, me and the boys watched the race. Good work." 

"It was a bit of nothing." 

"A bit of nothing? Nah, that was work. And game respects game. Why do you think we all respect you out here? Why do you think we call you princess?" 

I couldn't help but smile. As much as I seemed to want to keep my life spaced out, in these sections that made sense. To separate my life into chapters, it seemed that the world had other plans for me. My different lives seemed to be crashing together. I couldn't figure out if I hated it or if I enjoyed not having to play all these parts. It was something I would have to think about later. And as much as I wanted to be mad at it all, I found it all amusing. I was all these different people and still just... Eilulia.

"I might make an appearance if I can bring a friend.

_ 

"Lu, I didn't exactly mean bring me to a race." 

Rev and I snorted as Damon looked around the street. Cars lined the street and I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at it all. All the new people that I didn't recognize and all the people I did. It was a community. It was another home. I had made a name for myself here and to know that I was still respected made it worth coming back. But my mood dropped when I saw two idiots sitting on the hood of my car. 

"Get your greasy asses off my car." 

Road and Phoenix looked up, both of them breaking out into grins as I was smashed into a hug. I groaned at the feeling of my ribs being smashed together but I didn't feel like pushing them back. It was good to see my boys again. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed them in the time I'd been away. They were familiar and as much as I loved making new friends in Lando, George, and Alex... Road, Phoenix, and Rev were always going to be my boys. They were the first. 

"Okay, broken ribs still so can I have a bit of space." 

"Shit, sorry Lils." 

I brushed off the apologies as I moved to lean against my car, rubbing at my chest to get rid of some of the lingering pain. I could see all four of them looking at me and I groaned, knowing I was going to get a lecture or be told I shouldn't drive. 

"I'm fine, it just hurts." 

"I don't think you should race tonight, Lu." 

"Lu? Who the fuck is Lu?" 

"Me, Nix." I rolled my eyes at Damon. "I'm fine. Racing is my thing, and it's not like I can get hurt out here. There are rules." 

"She's right." 

I nodded as Rev took a space next to me on the car. He gave me a quick smile as if to say I'm on your side. And I knew he was. He always was. Rev, while not always being there for me physically, was my biggest supporter in everything. He would be the one to argue I could drive today. 

"Rules?" 

"Oh, I can explain this." Road stepped forward as if anyone else was going to take it from him. "There's no wheel to wheel out here, in a way. Plus, everyone respects Lily out here. Even more, now that everyone knows you're a pro." 

"You told everyone?" 

"Well, no. You're in the paper." 

I groaned, laying back on the car. I knew it would happen but some part of me wanted to keep racing my thing for a bit. It's been my escape and my therapy. My way to work past everything I couldn't even think about admitting here. And now every part of my life was connected to it. It felt like I'd lost the last little bit of myself to everyone else. 

"Can someone just find me a race?" 

Road and Phoenix ran off to go see what the bracket was and I sat back up, Damon giving me one of those knowing looks. I wanted to flip him off or shove him away but I knew he was right. I needed to let go of a bit of my control. My life was not going to be something I always had complete control over, especially since I was in the public eye again. 

I wanted to call Lewis or Nico and ask how they handled it. But I couldn't let them know I was struggling. I was supposed to be getting better and I knew that healing and moving on wasn't a linear thing, but this felt so trivial. There was no reason for me to be throwing a fit over this. I'd grown up in the public eye due to Jules, I had to deal with it the second I started caring for the grid fathers and going to races with them, I was just dealing with it in a new way because I was following my dreams. 

I could accept that. I could lose that last bit of control if it meant I was doing something meaningful, right? I was okay giving up parts of myself as I always had. It was nothing new. Eilulia Leclerc was not just a person but a name and that meant accepting what came with it. Even if I stopped being a kid and started to be a 'pro-racer'. Charles had done it and I could do it too. 

"Lils?" 

I raised an eyebrow as Road and Phoenix came running back. I could feel Damon's eyes on me and I knew he was against this. But this was the last thing I had and this was the last moment I could hold onto it. Even if it was already gone. I still needed one last one. 

"Let's go for a race." 

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a/n: a charles win? guys, im sobbing. because it was also a ferrari 1-2. max and the fia being his bitch again or whatever. i have mixed feelings about austin but its fineeeeee because you have a new chapter. as always, love it or don't :p