⌞ the chain ⌝

⌞ thirty : one step forward ⌝

"Drive. God Lu, drive. But don't lose yourself in that fire. Don't become me."

_ 

I smiled as I stepped back into the place I'd always called home. Sang ran up to me, rubbing against my legs and I leaned down to pet the cat. He'd gotten bigger in the months I'd been gone. I made a mental note to thank Rev later for watching over him for me and for keeping the place clean. It felt like home and that's what I needed right now. 

"Welcome, by the way." 

Damon smiled at me from where he stood, holding his bags. I decided to bring him when I realized I wouldn't be racing for a bit. They wanted my concussion to go away and for my ribs to heal as much as they could before I got back in the car. I didn't mind it, it meant I got to come home and bring someone with me. 

"It's lovely." 

I nodded at him as I pointed to the guest room so he could set his stuff down. I leaned down so Sang could climb up on my shoulders like he always did, the soft sounds of his purring relaxing me a bit as I ran my hands down his body while we walked to my room. It was the same as I'd been when I left, a memory. The city still going through the motions through my window. All of it was the same as it had been when I left. 

Monte Carlo was the one thing I could rely on to never change. While the world around me threw me in circles, this place would always be the eye of the hurricane. The calm in the storm that never seemed to go away, no matter how much you prayed it would. 

Home. How I missed it. 

_ 

"You sure? We don't have to do this." 

I looked at Damon as he drove us through the city. I let him drive the McLaren since I had a concussion and it wouldn't have been smart for me to fight that knowing all the street signs would throw my head for a loop. 

"I'm sure."

He nodded as we parked on the street. The cemetery entrance just a few feet away. This would be the first time I visited since the funeral. Part of me knew I should have come earlier but I could never find the strength to do it. I had grown, I had faced the world now, and sitting next to a grave didn't seem as scary as it did to the little girl who seemed scared of ghosts. And, when it did get hard. I would have someone next to me. 

I took Damon's hand as he helped me out, not letting go of it as we walked back to where Jules lay. Resting forever. The lilies in my hand feeling heavier than ever. But it was always our thing. A bouquet of lilies to make the house seem brighter. To make all the shadows disappear and to let the house smell like spring. 

But as I took out the old flowers and put the new ones in, I hesitated. 

"You're alright, Lu." 

I nodded as I took a seat on the ground, Damon sitting next to me with his hand never leaving mine. I stared at the name and the dates, a small smile on my face. It had been so long without him and yet, not at the same time. A lifetime with him felt like nothing compared to how long there wasn't him. It was like my life was split in two. Before and after him. 

But my life hadn't completely fallen apart. I had the grid around me and they stood with me through everything. My friends, who I never thought would find a way to see the real me and be okay with knowing how much I lost. And Charlie. I had him back. Not fully, that would take time and I would be okay with waiting. 

And Damon. My mirror. He could see past all the masks and jokes to know that I was still just a little girl who dreamed of making her father proud, of making the world proud. Because he was here. He could have gone home, he could have gone with the team but he chose to do this with me. I couldn't see him as a father. He was like an older brother. Always poking jabs at me but being there when I truly needed it. And I couldn't have wished for anything more. 

There was a world around me that still kept moving and it didn't have to mean I didn't move with it. There could be these moments where time stood still and those moments where everything seemed to move so fast. Life was an adventure and I was living it, just like Jules wanted me to. I hadn't failed on my promise. I was just moving through grief and for the first time in a long time, I was okay with that. 

I wouldn't ever forget him. There wouldn't be a thought about it. He was the father I won, the father I deserved, and though I wouldn't ever see that smile or hear his laugh. He was still with me. I had a new family but my heart would always stay here. So I took a breath. 

"Hi Juju, it's been a bit. I brought a friend." I looked back at Damon who smiled, giving my hand a squeeze to keep going. "Let me catch you up on everything." 

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a/n: a bit shorter, i know. i'm sorry. and there's a song at the top. i never do that for this fic but it's been a month since my brother passed and i write this story as a way to help with my emotions. so that song and this chapter, however short, is important to me. and because i know we're all going through something. its for you too. feel it and if you need to, leave that moment in the comments that you're working through. i'll respond to them all. thank you for the love you continue to give. and as always, love it or don't :p