𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 || 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐤𝐬𝐨𝐨

Chapter Fourty five

Seokmin closed his eyes, lost in thought as he held Joshua tightly in his arms. It was a comforting embrace, but it felt laced with guilt, a reminder of all the moments he had taken for granted. Suddenly, he was thrown back into a painful memory, a flashback that felt all too vivid.

It was a cold night, and Seokmin could hear the distant sirens echoing through the streets. The room was dimly lit, and Joshua sat on the couch, his body tense and pale. He had just come back from a job that had gone terribly wrong. A knife attack had left him with a deep wound on his side, and although he had cleaned it, the pain was evident in the way he held himself.

Seokmin stood at the kitchen counter, pretending to be busy, avoiding Joshua’s gaze. The hurt in Joshua’s eyes was unmistakable, but Seokmin chose to ignore it, burying himself in conversation with Seungmin, who was playing quietly nearby. “Did you finish your homework?” he signed to his son, the motions flowing easily despite the turmoil inside him.

Seungmin nodded, looking up at his father with bright eyes. “Papa, can I see Shua?” he signed, oblivious to the tension that filled the air.

“Not now, Minnie,” Seokmin signed back, his voice sharp despite his attempts to keep his tone calm. He didn’t want to acknowledge Joshua's presence, didn’t want to feel the conflicted emotions that were bubbling just beneath the surface.

“Papa, please!” Seungmin insisted, his hands moving urgently as he looked between his father and Joshua, sensing the silence between them.

Seokmin felt a pang of guilt for his son’s pleading, but he turned his back to Joshua, the memory of the dangerous lifestyle that surrounded him suffocating him. Joshua had chosen this life, and Seokmin had to protect himself and Seungmin from it.

As the minutes dragged on, Joshua’s expression grew more distant, his shoulders sagging under the weight of both the pain and Seokmin's indifference. The silence was palpable, wrapping around them like a thick fog. “Why do you care?” Seokmin thought bitterly, convinced that Joshua was merely a danger to them both.

But deep down, a part of him wanted to reach out, to ask if he was okay. Instead, he turned further away, feeling a bitterness that festered in his heart.

The memory faded away, and Seokmin found himself back in the present, gazing down at Joshua, who was still resting against him. The sight of him made Seokmin’s heart ache. How could he have treated Joshua that way? How could he have turned his back when Joshua needed him most?

The guilt was overwhelming. Joshua had faced danger head-on, risked his life to protect them, yet Seokmin had only repaid him with scorn. Seokmin clenched his jaw, his heart heavy with regret. The very thought of Joshua getting hurt, physically or emotionally, made him sick.

Seokmin brushed a stray lock of hair from Joshua's forehead, his fingers trembling slightly as they lingered there. He hadn’t appreciated the sacrifices Joshua had made. He hadn’t been there when Joshua had needed him, choosing to close his eyes to the truth, to the love that was so evident.

As he watched Joshua sleep, Seokmin made a silent promise to himself. He wouldn’t make that mistake again. He would do everything in his power to be there for Joshua, to care for him in ways he had failed to before. The weight of his past actions pressed heavily on him, but he knew he had to find a way to express the feelings that had been locked away for far too long.

But for now, all he could do was hold Joshua and hope that one day, he would have the courage to show him just how much he truly cared.

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