AMOR SERIES 1: One Cold Night

22: Vingt-deuxième nuit

One Cold Night 
22: Suppress

Vera Alette's POV

Ever since I was a kid, I always had a hard time voicing out how I felt, I told myself that I should be strong and not let my weaknesses get into me, I was never a negative thinker nor a positive one, I was in both side, everyone's in that state I believe, no one is truly positive, there's always a voice inside your subconscious that tells you otherwise.

Whenever my mom came out of the bathroom, our eyes would meet sometimes, I knew they were puffy and she had just finished crying, she always gave that pretentious smile of hers. I never pointed it out though, maybe she doesn't want to discuss it.

Maybe I learned that from her. Never let your feelings out and be strong.

And maybe I am starting to feel what she felt inside back then.

Takot akong umamin, takot akong makipag-usap, takot akong banggitin... Natatakot akong umamin na takot ako.

I am afraid to show vulnerability and prefer to keep a calm facade. I wish I could do that forever. So I won't get tired of confrontations and endless revelations. Sometimes I would break down, but I would rather keep it in. There are people and certain situations that can make me bend at some point.

I want to tell myself, "Tapos na, nangyari na eh, I'll just have to move and try to start anew, I don't have the privilege to complain anyway."

Unfortunately, I am not that strong nowadays. I need something to lean on, just for now... Let me rely on them.

As the door flung open, Lisa was smiling, but I wasn't, I let out a shaky sigh before taking a step and hugging her.

"Huy, bakit?"

"Everything's just... tiring these days."

"Naiiyak ka ba?"

I didn't speak, I just hugged her tighter, for a sympathetic person like her, she would get it. I could feel her arms tighten around my body, I just leaned into it. In times like this, I prefer to cry than to explain, hindi naman ako madadala ng pagpapaliwanag sa kung saan, maybe later on I will be able to share what happened today, pero saka na kapag medyo naka-move on na ako.

"Pumasok na kayong dalawa dito para masara na 'yang pinto, baka lamukin kayo diyan," Andie said as if she was our mom, that made me chuckle. Pinakawalan na ako ni Lisa but her hand was still on my back, guiding me to walk in. Andie came to us, smiling.

"Gusto mong pag-usapan?" She asked.

Kilalang-kilala na nila ako, they know how to handle when I am like this.

I shook my head, "Maybe next time," I answered, giving her a small grin. She shortened the distance between us and wiped my face with her thumb, removing my tears.