"Can you feel the tension?" || TNN - A Shivian Sob Story || Co-Written

17 - Play it off.

A/N - lots of empty spaces within this chapter, make sure to fully read it!!!

SHOULD be a chapter the 23rd, and one for sure the 26th.

Also..... starting on a new story so stay tuned for that.

....Enjoy.

(Siobhans POV)

I lie wide-eyed staring at the ceiling, my soon to be wife in my lap asleep.

I cant sleep.

Tomorrow's the day we tell everyone.

Thousands of questions swarm my mind.

What if they dont support.
What if they dont belive i actually love her.
What if-

My thoughts are cut off by Vivian planting a kiss on my stomach,

V: "Darling youre zoning out plenty are you alright?"
S: "Huh? Oh. yeah bad dream.."

She sits up in my lap, then switches us so im in hers.

V: "Talk to me Bon-Bon,"
S: "Its just... I dunno. Im scared. Im stressing over telling them — What if they dont take it well??"

She doesn't reply and pulls me into a hug, i instantly started sobbing.

I dunno why i did.

I dunno why she loves me.

Should we really get married?

S: "Viv?" I asked while sitting up on the bed, opposite of her

V: "Yes darling?"
S: "Are you.... are you sure?"

Why'd i say that. Why would i ask.

V: "Sure about what?"
S: "Everything... Me, Us...?"

No backing out now.

She takes out her earbuds and i can hear Sarah by Rottweiler.

"She doesnt have a single fvcking clue
So i try my best to hate her
But i carry this familiar view
Makes me loyal,
So i play her."

Did she even want me?

Often times her music matched her mood.

Is she playing me?

V: "Of course im sure? But bon-bon we dont have to get married if you dont wanna?"

She sounded so disappointed.

I couldnt propose and not go through with it.

S: "Yeah im sure, im just scared."

Play it off. Again. As always.

Viv and I talk for a bit before falling asleep. Well, she falls asleep.

I lie awake for another three hours.

Within those hours i start to hear his voice.
Feel his hands on me.

I get up and go into the bathroom so i wont wake Viv.

I locked the door and sat against it, sobbing into my hands, legs curled up to my stomach.

God this is pathetic.

I look to the shower. To the razor.

I know i shouldnt.

I do it.
I took the blades out and drag them across my thigh so Viv wont see as quickly. I know my efforts are in vain as we often shower together, but the longer i hide it, the less worry she'll have. It doesnt hurt. Im practically numb to physical pain after him.