Between Two Worlds

CHAPTER 2 - Bittersweet Beauty

Outside my window, the stars shone as I played on, each note of hope, letting the music carry all this now: my longing for Ava, my fears over our connection, and what little I possessed of that courage.

As I strummed, thoughts of Ava filled my mind. I could picture her in enjoyment: hair flying out in every direction, catching every sunbeam and shining bright under the mellow glow, eyes sparkling with life when talking about her art. Underneath that warmth lay an uneasy tension. What if the feelings weren't reciprocated? What if I'd gone across a line destined to shatter our friendship?

Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming urge to say that was our true friendship-warmth, laughter, and that sweet-painful ache of the silent words. I started writing lyrics as they came off my mind, letting emotions pouring onto the page:

I write you in the quiet corners of my heart,
A canvas painted with shadows and light,
We danced in colors and fell apart,
But you're the muse that fills my night.

I stopped; the words now peaking out to a smile on my face. The song was coming together now, turning my frustration into something concrete. I wanted it to say how I felt for Ava, some concrete way to let all those things that had been bottled inside out.

The following morning was wonderful. I woke up when the sun shone through the window, and a purpose-beat inside me. Today was the day to reach out to Ava. Time to let her know how I really felt-not hiding, not pretending anymore.

I pulled out my phone and heart skipped, looking at Ava's number. What could I say? How could I even on the entire text say everything that needed to be said? After some time devoted to deciding what I was going to do and say, I took a deep breath and began typing:

"Hey Ava, I'm Mia. Hope you're doing good. You've constantly been in my thoughts lately. Though I am not meeting you, I just have to share this with you. Can we talk?"

I hit send on my finger as anticipation intertwined with fear quivered in my fingers. The waiting seemed to stretch like an eternity. Each moment had been transformed into something like a tornado of anticipation, and I hardly did concentrate on anything.

When my phone vibrated, and my heart skipped a beat; that was Ava's reply:

"Mia! I miss you too! I'd love to chat. What's up?"

I couldn't help but smile and press that send button while typing:

"Hey, can we FaceTime later?" I have something important to share.

"Absolutely! Can't wait!"

Excitement was welling up in my chest like a combination of happiness and fear. It is a time when I need to gather my thoughts and express what has been bottled up for so long. The hours ticked by, punctuated by classes that seemed meaningless in the light of what was happening.

So, after finally getting a minute by myself in my dormitory room, I sat down in the corner, facing the camera, with pounding heart, yet started the video call. And there she was-warm, beaming Ava on my screen.
"Mia!" she exclaimed with wide eyes that sparkled happily, "It's so great to see you!"

"Good to see you too!" I told her, trying to keep my voice steady. "Everything going good in Willow Creek?"

"Hmph, same old. I've been painting a lot and really missing you. It's just not the same without you here," she said with a little wistful smile.

"I've missed you too," I confessed, chewing on my lip. This was it. "Ava, there's something I need to talk to you about."

Her brows furrowed ever so slightly, concern flickering in her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, trying to right myself. "I've been thinking a lot about us, I guess. About how we've always had this connection and. I can't just be like that anymore. I think I am in love with you, Ava."

The words sat suspended in the air, and in that moment, time stopped. I watched her face, my heart pounding with excitement.

Ava's expression shifted, half-surprised and partly discomfort etched across her face. "Mia, I... I didn't know you felt that way."

The weight of these words crashed over me. "I know it's complicated, and I am scared. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. You mean so much to me," I said, my voice shaking.

She looked down, her face covered by an uncertainty she could not conceal. "Honestly? I really appreciate it, but. I don't really feel like that. Not even close to it."

I felt a shiver run through me, plummeting inside my chest like an anchor. My heart dropped. "Oh." It was the only thing that might actually have come out.

"I do care about you, Mia. You are one of my closest friends. But I've never considered us like that," Ava said, her voice soft but firmly saying that it was all on my head and nowhere else.

A knot in the throat. "I know," I whispered, trying to hide the pain clawing through my chest.

"I am horribly sorry," she added, her eyes full of regret. "I wish I could feel otherwise.".

We settle into an uncomfortable silence like a weight. I'd given my soul and found that it had fallen upon ears that didn't listen. The connection that I had wanted to grow closer now seemed to be breaking apart, and I did not know how to mend this.

"I should have known," I said finally, casting a weak smile for which my eyes were not playing host.

"I'm glad you told me," she said gently. "It's brave of you to share your feelings. I just wish I could reciprocate them."

I nodded, trying to swallow the disappointment that was rising in my throat. "I guess we can just go back to being friends, right?"

"Of course," she replied, though I could see the unease in her eyes. "I hope this doesn't change things between us."

"It won't," I said, although I wasn't really convinced I believed it.

We hung up, the goodbyes awkward, and I sat in silence, the weight of my unrequited feelings pressing down on me like a lead blanket. I thought confessing would free me but instead, it had trapped me in a cage of heartache.

Days merged into weeks, and I attempted to hold on to my classes and all the new faces there, but Ava's image stayed strongly with me, like a tune that just will not leave my head. Jess picked up on my withdrawn self, the worried glint in her eyes constantly hoping for answers within mine that I wasn't yet ready to give.

On one of the afternoons when Jess and I were studying at the café, she leaned over to me, her tone serious. "Mia, what's wrong? You're being really spacey.".

I hesitated, my heart racing just at the thought of opening up. "It's just. some personal stuff. I'm dealing with a lot of feelings right now."

"What about? Or who?" she asked softly.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't keep it bottled up forever. "About Ava. I told her how I felt, and. she doesn't feel the same."

Jess's expression softened. "I'm so sorry. That's tough.".

"Ah," I said, shoving the tears back into my eyes. "I thought I could finally tell her and maybe we could be something more. But now... I don't know how to return to normal."

Jess moved her hand across the table and took hold of mine. "You are allowed to hurt. It is okay to mourn that bond. But you can't let it keep you from living your life. You have so much ahead of you.".

Her words filled the air as I knew she was right. I could not let that heartbreak define who I was, because I had my new friends, my new university life ahead of me. I needed to find my way around it all.

Meanwhile, weeks went by as I translated all these to music and poured my heartache onto new songs. This is how the melodies keep coming. In fact, I comfort myself by performing at open mic nights: it was a moment when I could go out and forget the pain for just a little while.

But a part of me still held onto hope that maybe someday Ava would see me differently. For all my wanting to hold on to that hope, though, I knew in my heart that I had to let Ava go.

While Ava was still omnipresent in my thoughts, I began to redirect my energy into building my life in Grandview. She and I began to bond over all the new places we explored, laughed, and slowly started to create a warm spot in my heart.

The bitterness was indeed so heart-wrenching, but over time, I found it easy to make peace with the idea of friendship with Ava. I realized that our friendship did not have to fade away; it could develop into something beautiful, even though different.

As I lay in bed that night strumming away at my guitar, I wrote out a new melody—acceptance, friendship, and the bittersweet beauty of unrequited love. And in that moment, I knew sometimes love isn't about possession but about cherishing what you have even when it looks different than you had ever imagined.