Between Two Worlds

CHAPTER 12 - Hidden Currents

Months passed. But no day felt harder to get through than the last. I dived into classes headfirst, belatedly flinging myself into my studies in an attempt to drown my mind from reliving memories of Ava. Filling my schedule so full it seemed almost overflowing - busyness alone could possibly mend this aching gap. Though the harder I tried, her thought crept in again, the shadows around the edges of my mind.

The thing is, Jess had been there, a constant, providing support in ways I did not fully understand. She lightened the mood like it was an innate skill-she'd just laugh-and I'd find myself laughing along with her. But something has changed in the way she clings to me now. I've caught her lingering glances and the way she'll inch just a bit closer when we talk, a distance that isn't strictly physical.

That evening, we sat in our favorite café where, over cups of coffee, Jess and I first shared dreams and dreamed. The place was warm but bustling with familiar faces-although nothing could dissipate the impression of being a spectator-thy life parading on behind some transparent glass windowpane.

Mia," Jess said, her voice now laced with a hesitation that was uncharacteristic. "You've been really holed up on those books lately. Don't you think it's about time you took a break? Maybe went out, had some fun?"

I shrugged, pushing my mug aside. "I'm fine. Really. Just trying to keep my mind off things."

"Mia?" she asked softly, her eyes searching mine.

Then I let it out with a sigh, feeling that familiar tug of loss. "Yeah. I thought it would get easier after awhile, but it feels like I'm stuck," I said.

Jess nodded, her expression softening into one of empathy. "You know I'm here for you, right? Always.".

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Jess." I was grateful for the support, but I also felt a stab of guilt. I hadn't taken into account how my actions would affect Jess in this respect.

Weeks pass, and Jess starts becoming more attuned to my activities, occasionally inviting me out for spontaneous movie nights, ice cream runs, study sessions which could take a whole night turned conversations. I appreciated her efforts, but sometimes the waves beneath that gentle smiling picked through, even if I did not see anything written on her face. She said stuff not being said by her, and I would often wonder if perhaps, she may really have some feelings.

It had been one long week; so, on the Sunday night when Jess insisted that we go out to the beach for a weekend, I really didn't argue. "We must relax and have fun," she said with overflowing enthusiasm.
I do not know why but my hesitation was linked to a miniscule chunk of my brain seeking the reprieve. "Alright," I agreed, getting quite excited; maybe a change in scenery would clear the unclear maze in my brain.

When we arrived, I was calmed and somehow cleansed of some of that weight I carried with a salty breeze and the crashing of waves. We lay down on the sandy shore to take a sunbath and relaxed with lots of conversation as sunbeams warmed our skin and laughter and laughter flowed freely between us.

And then, in that instant, as the colors of the sun began to fade, orange-pink toward evening across the sky, Jess turned to me with an intensely serious expression. "Mia, can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said, feeling a shift in the air. "What's wrong?"

Her cheeks flush slightly, and I feel her swallowing hard, as if preparing herself. "Do you ever think about us? Like, outside of just being friends?"

The words laced with something unsaid hung there in the air. My heartbeat sped up, and I felt surprise and confusion all meshed together. "What do you mean?" I replied, my voice steady but cautious.

"I mean, do you think we could be more than friends?" she asked, eyeing mine for a response.

I was taken aback, caught off guard by the vulnerability in her voice. "Jess, I—

And before I could finish, she went on, her words spilling over each other. "I know you're still hurting over Ava and I don't want to rush things, but I have always felt a connection with you. From the first day we met, actually. I just thought. maybe there was something there.".

A wave of emotions swept through me: shock, guilt, and a whisper of warmth. I had thought of Jess as nothing more than a friend—a person I'd turn to in bad times. Hadn't even imagined anything else. "I know you mean that, but I'm not sure I can even get my head in the game right now."

She nodded, a shadow crossing her face. "I get it. I just wanted you to know. I care about you, Mia and I am here for you—no matter what.".

The honesty in her words settled in my chest, which carried regret that I hadn't noticed sooner how she truly felt. I wanted to soothe her feelings, but my heart was still knotted up in the past. "Thanks for being honest with me. I value our friendship too much to rush into something I am not sure about.".

Jess smiled softly, but I saw the flicker of disappointment in her eyes. "No pressure. Just. know I'm here if you need me.".

And yet, as we sat together, watching the sun set beneath the horizon, something shifted in our dynamic. I had been so entirely obsessed with my grief over Ava that I hadn't really noticed Jess at all. Perhaps there is room for something deeper, but I wasn't ready to dive into it yet.

Days became weeks, and Jess, still my anchor, went through all this battling of unresolved feelings toward Ava; it gave me comfort in our friendship, yet there was also this tension of unspoken words hanging in the air between us. I could see in the look that Jess gave me, filled with something more than a friend.

It was an indecisive campaign against the territory of my heart: sometimes straddling over both worlds, and I wanted to tend after the bond I had with Jess while yet longing for what I had shared with Ava. The winds of changes did come with the changing seasons, and so did the rivers of my emotions, leaving me standing between two different paths, unsure which road to take.