Between Two Worlds

CHAPTER 13 - New Beginnings

The lights flashed, and the bass thumped out like my racing heart; the club seemed a whirlwind around me. I began to sway unsteadily, feeling hazy from all the drinks I'd been drinking. The concerned face that appeared and disappeared before my eyes belonged to Jess and Ethan, who hovered nearby.

Maybe we should get you some water," Ethan said, his voice cutting through the haze. I nodded vaguely, feeling Jess's arm wrap around my waist to hold me up. It was comforting, but I was drowning in my own sadness.

We pulled back into a quieter booth. Laughter and chaos faded into the background. I slumped back against the cushioned seat, the weight of my emotions pressing down on me. "I miss her," I confessed, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

Then Jess's eyes softened, and for one brief second I felt understood. "I know you do," she whispered, touching my hair to the side. "But you have us. We're here for you."

Their attempts to cheer me up were laughable. I couldn't stop thinking of Ava, of that summer we spent together, of all the dreams that seemed so, so real. I downed another glass, hoping the pain in my chest would drown out with the liquor.

Liquor was doing its job to good effect in the evening, tapping into my feelings so that the sorrow was stewing up, seething at me to burst out. I turned toward Jess, whose body warmth engulfed me. "Why do I have to remember her?" My voice was weak and uncooked.

Jess reached forward, her eyes sympathetic. "You don't have to forget. It's okay to feel what you're feeling.".

I look at her, and suddenly, the noise behind my eyes receded to silence. I didn't know why, but in that moment of exposed vulnerability, I leaned in and kissed her. It was tentative at first, this soft brushing of the lips, but it lit something deep inside of me.

The kiss came alive as a jolt of warmth that ran through me. For a moment, Jess froze. In the air sat all these unspoken words, heavy with tension. But then she just melted into it, and I could feel the walls of my heart crack.

But I jerked away, panic flooding me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—

"No," Jess answered quickly, gripping my hands tightly. "It's okay. I think I've wanted to do that too."

Her words just hung there in the air, and a mix of shock and relief washed over me. Could it be true? Did she feel the same? I didn't want to mess things up-especially with Ava's shadow still dangling there.

"Really?" I asked my voice barely above a whisper.

Jess nodded, not breaking her stare. "Yeah, but I don't want to be the one who blurs everything more, especially with everything happening with Ava."

I felt a war within me. I didn't want to forget Ava; there was something I found between Jess and me that was like breath of fresh air. "I don't know what to do," I said now with a racing heart full of nervousness. "I want to feel something good, but I am so lost.

And Jess squeezed my hands, like I would feel anchored. "We can do it slow, we don't have to label anything. Just be here, in this moment," she whispered.

I nodded, feeling a small spark of hope among the turmoil in my head. We locked gazes, and an understanding flitted open between us. Maybe this could be something beautiful, even with the weight of my feelings for Ava.

As we leaned in again, the world outside faded into nothingness. There was a hollowness to me. With my heart still aching for Ava, in that moment, there was something that seemed warm about Jess and kept me alive. And perhaps that was enough to find your way through the dark.

The curtains shaded the morning light, sending a gentle yellow glow creeping across Jess's dorm room. I stirred awake with the warmth of another body beside me, drawing me from the remnants of sleep. As I blinked open my eyes, memories of the previous night came rushing back in a dizzying wave.

Jess was lying next to me, her arms curled around me. We were all tangled in, and for a moment, I let myself bask in comfort at having her there. But then it hit me like a freight train: the kiss. I had kissed Jess.

Panic was fluttering in my chest as I recalled the warmth of her lips against mine, how the whole world was but a fading memory in that moment. Had I been mistaken? My heartbeat was pounding with every step I took ever so slightly to her right to view her serene face.

She looked so serene, tousled hair, a little smile on her lips. She still languished in a dream. Confusion and vulnerability poured through me. What did it mean? Did I mean it? Or was I just looking for a reason to forget?

I slowly withdrew, not to disturb her, because for now, I had to think, I had to process all the happening. I quietly slid out of the bed and walked into this diminutive kitchen built into the corner of the room, pretty much trying to drown out the turmoil of thoughts with a glass of water.

I stood there, looking out of the window, feeling the weight of choices on my shoulders. Jess had always been around. This steady presence that defined my life. But the kiss. something felt different. Intimate in a way, thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

What if it changed everything? Maybe she wanted something else from me now? I stood there spinning my head; my heart thumped in my chest. It was uncontrollable pacing in this small space.

As I finished pacing, I heard a soft voice from behind me. "Morning, sleepyhead," Jess said, her voice still slurred by sleep. I looked over to see her sitting up in bed, rubbing at her eyes.

Hey," I said, forcing a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes. "How're you feeling?"

"Much better than I thought I'd be," she said with a playful grin. "You were quite the party animal last night."

I chuckled lightly, but the tension hung in the air between us. "Yeah, I guess I was.".

'About that kiss...' she said, her voice changing ever so slightly. I was holding my breath, anticipating what came next. "I mean, I wasn't expecting it, but. it was nice."

Heat flooded my face. "Nice?" I parroted, trying to read her response.

"Yeah," she continued, her steady gaze and transparent honesty giving me little recourse for argument. "I don't want to make things weird between us, but I'm not going to lie: I liked it. A lot.".

I liked it too," I confessed, the words falling out of my mouth before I could stop them. "But...but what does that mean for us?"

Jess looked thoughtful for a moment, her expression shifting from playful to serious. "I don't know, Mia. I just don't want to rush anything. I care about you, and I don't want to ruin our friendship.".

"Me neither," I responded quickly, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. "I've already had too much of a rough ride and don't want to complicate things anymore than they are."

"Then let's just take it slow," Jess ventured, a soft smile returning to her face. "We can figure it out together, one step at a time."

I nodded, with a flash of hope winking in from the gloom. Maybe this could be something beautiful, after all-a fresh start rather than the end. As Jess extended her hand to mine, warmth spread through me, like there was something holding us together, as though promising much.

"Now, how about some breakfast?" Jess asked, teasing energy returning to her voice. "I'm starved."

I laughed; that touched me. "Sounds perfect.".

As I began to move towards the kitchen, perhaps just perhaps it was the start of some new and exciting stuff. And for the first time in years, I felt an iota of happiness forcing its way through the pain of the past.